Today we’re posting two more Valentines that cover unserved markets: The first is for people who want to avoid V-Day altogether, and invoke February’s OTHER holiday, Presidents Day; the second is ideal for sending to single friends who probably won’t be getting any love this year. Order now to insure delivery by Valentine’s Day!

We’ve just added two new Valentines to our lineup of Breakup Girl greeting cards. Both are new versions of classic e-postcards from back in the day. The “alternate universe” one was originally inspired by an unrequited love situation, but also works for exes that have some level of regret, or potential couples that just never seem to find the right time or place to make it happen. “Have a Super Valentine’s Day” is inspired by those little boxed Valentines we used to exchange in elementary school — perfect for friends or even friends-with-potential. Order a box!

You rated the haikus and determined our finalists …
Now, from your favorites, our fancy celebrity judge Joel Stein has anointed a winner:

I don’t think I’d need
Five hundred days to know that
Summer was a bitch.

— Ash

Ash is our 2010 Haiku Master! Ash is also our MVP, being the author of a majority of our highest rated haiku (though his syllable counting skills were not always perfect).

Here are our Honorable Mentions, the other highest-rated haiku that had the correct meter, showed no voting irregularities, and were not written by Lynn or Chris…

We’re so different.
For example, I’m a Mac.
And you’re an asshole.
— Ash

It will never work.
I like Radiohead and
you like Dave Matthews.
— Salmeen

young love grows old fast:
the puppy you wanted then
has gone to the dogs
— ed

These aren’t tears for you.
I’m just upset that Mom said,
“See. I told you so.”
— Ash

The signs were all there.
Like your YouTube “parody”
of Single Ladies.
— Ash

Check out all the entries in our 2010 Valentine’s Day Haiku Contest here. (Disagree with the results? Yes, you can still rate them!)

This Valentine’s Day, TOMORROW, PEOPLE, February 14th, at 7:30pm, HBO 2 will premier Debra J. Solomon’s animated short film Getting Over Him in 8 Songs or Less. The film chronicles the period in Solomon’s life just after her husband of 17 years — 17 years! — leaves her. Nearly paralyzed with loss and loneliness, she found herself writing songs. That process became this film: directed, written, sung, narrated, and generally made wonderful by Debra J. Solomon, of whom I am now a huge fan.

While I’m not going currently going through a rough breakup, I’ve been through some so cataclysmic and life-altering I probably still need therapy, and that’s just what Debra’s film gave me. Her songs aren’t so much steps to recovery as earnest expressions of all the painful questions, doubts, and disappointments that one experiences when someone they’ve built their life around suddenly walks away. Solomon doesn’t dwell on her own details, but we certainly feel like we get to know her — and root for her. Her songs are personal and poignant, but their universal themes will speak to any aching heart.

Via Broadsheet:

Now that woman can drink ventis with impunity, maybe we’ll no longer be “too tired” for sex. But otherwise, most discussions of much-studied low female sex drive — and prescriptions for revving it up — lack a look at the big picture, argues Amanda Marcotte in today’s AlterNet (via RHRealityCheck). Hormones, toddlers, fatigue, fate: not that they don’t play a role. But we do not live in a vacuum. (Or to vacuum; we’ll get to that). What’s missing from these conversations, according to Marcotte? The role sexism plays in turning us off. In other words: It’s not you, it’s the patriarchy.

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This can be a stressful week. Single people worried they will die alone. Couples worried they will die alone if they do the wrong thing on Valentine’s Day. Here at BGHQ we try to be zen about it — or as close to zen as we can get while still stressed out: we write HAIKUS! In honor of our past Valentine’s Haiku Contests, we’re opening up a post for readers to submit their best relationship-themed haikus in the comments! To illustrate the 5-7-5 syllable scheme, here’s one of our faves:

Am I over her?
Why, did she ask about me?
Hey wait, come back here!
–Brian Thomas

Today’s New York Post reports that — given the unhappy marriage of Valentine’s Day and economic downturn — the number of Internet searches for “cheap engagement rings” has gone through the roof. Perhaps would-be knee-benders should also consider recycling?

A Christmas conundrum from December 16, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,
Thanks for being there at just the right time. My boyfriend of 5-1/2 years just broke up with me a week and a half ago. In Christmases past, I’ve been used to sending and receiving cards to/from “K & P.” Now I’m dreading the fact that I have to somehow tell all of these people that he and I are no longer together (when it was generally assumed that we would be together forever). It still hurts to talk about it…how can I tell people about us without making the whole card thing a big bummer?
— Just K

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Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, Breakup Girl, this is my first letter asking advice EVER to anyone about all of this, so… well, I hope you have time to read a long one. If not, toss me.

I’m a 17 year old guy. I’m too skinny, I’ve got acne, but I’m a great friend with an irresistible sense of humor (or so I’ve been told). Oh, and I’ve had a stellar love life, absolutely wonderful! NOT. My last relationship crashed and burned. On the SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY, to the day, because things weren’t going anywhere and we were getting frustrated with each other. And the three girlfriends I had before that ended when (in chronological order):

1) She lied to me about loving someone else, thus being unable to continue going out with me. (Fortunately, we had only been going out for, oh, 4 hours, just long enough for her to realize I had never had a girlfriend before and had no idea she was coming on to me. This one later turned psycho-slutty, having sex with anything that breathed, including ME, offering phone and oral sex with me as late as a year after. She also tried to break my best friend and his girlfriend up… sick-o.)

2) She went out with me for six days, kissed me, then refused to talk to me — forever. No reason at all, except one I heard that went through three people that went, “She gets bored with guys quickly.” Ne’er heard word from her since.

3) She left. I fell for a girl on the second to last day of a summer camp. She lives about 120 miles away part-time (and over 400 the other part) because of her split parents. Saddest thing about this one was that it was the best time out of all four girlfriends I’ve had… I haven’t heard from her since, and my letters don’t come back with “Address unknown” or anything on them.

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