Still searching on July 6, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

About six months ago, my girlfriend of two and a half years broke up with me. I tried to get back together, but for one reason or another, I had screwed it up. This isn’t some masochistic thing, I really did screw it up. So I gave it up. But it got me down for a while — two and a half years is a long time.

So for the past few months, I’ve been getting over it — it’s not a problem. So I’ve been becoming interested in a few different people — people whom I like as friends. So I become friends with them, get to know them, like them, and then when I’m about to pounce, as it were, and ask the question, I find out that they’re either dating someone else or unavailable in another way (although distance is the main thing, either me moving or them).

My question is, what the heck is going on here? It seems like everyone I’m interested in I can’t have. Is this some kind of messed-up thing I’m seeking — like I sense that they’re unavailable and I like that for some sick reason? I find this hard to believe — most of the time I don’t know that they’re taken. It’s really getting old. I know that these people aren’t lying to me. Just today, I went up and was talking to someone for about an hour, ready to ask her our, when she suddenly mentions that she’s moving to France for a year. What the crap?

— Corwin

BG’s answer after the jump

Afraid to date on June 15, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am having a serious problem that so far no one has been able to help me with. I was going out with this guy I met at college for a while…we got serious and he started hanging out with a gang. I don’t condone gangs, and I kinda think they are stupid, so we got in a big fight about it and he moved out. I never saw him again. What happened is the gang leader decided that he was a “narc” and he killed him. The gang leader was at one time my friend, he and I got in a big argument cause I told the girl he was dating, my best friend, that he had some odd beliefs. Like he thought he was a witch, and he drank human blood (vampire). She was very concerned and broke up with him instantly. He threatened to kill me and told me he would get me back and hurt me more than I ever hurt him…well he killed my boyfriend…I think he succeeded. But here’s my problem…every time I start to see a new guy, I can’t get over the fact that I am afraid that he’ll get hurt because of me. I know that the gang leader is in jail, but still I always get scared that the guy will get hurt because of something I do or say. It’s so hard for me to explain to the guy that I am scared for his life, because I would sound like a nutcase! I probably do sound like a nutcase…but I can’t help the way I feel about my poor BF…I miss him, and I don’t know who else I can turn to….can you give me any advice on how to deal with my concerns? Thanks.

— AJ

Read BG’s advice after the jump…

Desperately single on May 25, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I need to whine, and I think this might be the best (most constructive) place for it. I’m having a really hard time being single at age 35! I feel so isolated lately. I live alone, in a town that’s very popular with 20-somethings. Most of my friends are married, engaged, living or completely involved with their significant others. Ditto for my co-workers, who are also much older than I am, so there’s no social action there. I do belong to a gym, but that’s yet to produce any dates. I join groups, I go to networking events, I get out, but I am BURNED OUT on the search! I even tried the personals. I haven’t had a date since December, and I don’t see any prospects on the horizon. Let me add that I am very attractive, spirited, smart, and warm. I wonder — is there anybody else out there suffering from the 30-something dry spell? What is a girl to do? I’m actually thinking of trying to find a bartending or waitressing job, just so I can meet and flirt with some men again! This situation is crazy! Any insight!?

— Ann

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. This Ask Lynn column is being promoted at Match on Yahoo this week…

This week Lynn advises Searching in New Hampshire — a 50-ish single mom looking for a man who is willing to date a woman with small children.

I have been online and have dated some but the minute I share that I have a nine-year-old, I don’t really hear back from the men that I’m corresponding with. I understand that most men my age have older children and have moved on from the kid thing.

Where should she look without moving to a bigger town? Read Lynn’s suggestions then come back here to comment!

About finding a boy on April 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

What is the consensus about men dating single moms? I am an educated, attractive, fun to be with, early 20’s woman with a 7-month-old son. I broke up with his father about two months ago, but lost interest in the father about five to six months prior. I would like to meet someone, but am scared no one will want to date me because of my baby. Where would I meet a guy?

— Single Mom

Dear Single,

Yeah, it might be a little tricky. Everyone — male or female — who fantasizes about having all sorts of firsts with their soulmate might think, “No fair, s/he already got to do the kid thing with someone.”

Still, it can be done. I checked with my single mom friend Rachel — who, mind you, is getting remarried shortly! — and she says you definintely want to be discreet (but not cagey) at first. “I asked a guy to come into Toys R Us with me, and I never heard from him again,” she says. But she also pointed out that you do have a built-in screening process: it’s not that a guy for whom a kid is a deal-breaker is bad — but the ones who do stick around are, more than likely, way into you, and not freaked about the dad thing.

But where? By this point, Rachel’s 14-year-old daughter piped up. “Parent-teacher conferences!” Not a bad idea. But I bet you’ll find someone before your son is old enough to give advice.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Getting back out there on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

It’s been almost a year, and I still feel sick to my stomach when I see the answering machine with zero messages. I know we can never bet back together, but I keep waiting for him to say he made a mistake. After fifteen years together, I don’t know where to go to meet someone else. Any advice for a 40-year-old NYC girl to find someone else to spend my energy on?

— Brook

Dear Brook,

Please know that we all feel a mite queasy when we come home to zero messages. I think we all know what Randy Travis meant when he sang, “If my phone still ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you.” BG even has a friend — we’ll call her Randy — who *69s when she zeros out, just to see for sure.

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn advises Searching in New Hampshire — a 50-ish single mom looking for a man who is willing to date a woman with small children. Where should she look without moving to a bigger town? Read Lynn’s suggestions then come back here to comment!

Moving on circa January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

After reading these letters I was impressed how you handled the situations with great level-headedness. So I’ll give it a whirl with my story.

I went out with this girl for nine months and let me tell you I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Everything about her was amazing to me. I knew we were going to break up because of our likes and dislikes. Our personalities were right on but we couldn’t decide on chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Sad. So here I am writing to Breakup Girl more than ONE YEAR later asking for someone to hit me on the head so I’ll forget this girl. Each of the few times that I talk to her she has always been so nice to me but I know she doesn’t want me anymore. I wish she would be mean. Anyway, If I can reason with myself like this, why haven’t I moved on?

–In Need of a Lobotomy

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