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January 7

Bizarro pitch of the day: “Faux ballers”

Filed under: Comedy — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:11 pm

From today’s BG super-inbox. Summary: “Ladies! Watch out for those wily ‘faux-ballers’ — who are some of our best customers!” What the what?

Have you ever seen that guy at the bar or nightclub with an entourage of people trying to enhance his profile? You know, the guy’s showing off a wad of cash (as pocket change), flashing his Range Rover parked in valet and trying to invite you back to his five-bedroom house. It’s an interesting story that one of our customers actually admitted. He took over a Mercedes car lease to be a “faux baller.” Naturally, we wanted to ask some follow up questions and tip off women on these poor practices from men. So LeaseTrader went out and asked our guy customers (what it truly meant) their tips and tricks for being a “baller on a budget.” Here’s how you spot a “faux baller.”

Inflated Posse – Get a group of 4-6 friends and take turns being the baller. Each night choose one guy and designate him as baller for the entire evening. Let him carry around all the money and purchase drinks throughout the night. Also you can hype his swagger by asking questions about his latest trip to Dubai or if he closed that multimillion dollar deal last week in London.

Empty Bank Account On Friday Night – Take out all the money from your bank account (literally, take all your money out) before hitting your first destination. Here’s the trick. Pay for each drink you order but don’t start a tab. This gives you the chance to pull out your extremely huge wad of cash for each drink purchase. Make sure you pull out this cash when ladies are nearby.

Getting A Car You Have no Business Driving – This was the inspiration to the story. Our customer wanted to get a sick Mercedes on the cheap. The secondary lease market (LeaseTrader.com) lets “faux ballers” get a Mercedes or even a Maserati for pennies on the dollar with little financial commitment.

Sharing Payments – Purchase that sweet condo or house with a group of friends (the same friends that serve as your club entourage). You’ll hopefully be making money on your investment and getting immediate satisfaction telling girls you bought the place as your vacation home when you’re not traveling around the world. Just make sure your buddies are staying at their parents’ place for the evening or sleeping in their car.

Fake Passport Locations – Nothing says “faux baller” like your faux passport. When you’re talking about running with the bulls in Spain, catching the Cannes Film Festival, or dropping in on Carnaval in Brazil, pull out your faux passport with proof of being in each country and this should seal the deal.

After doing this research we thought you might have some fun with these. If you have any further questions let me know and i’ll be glad to help.

Best,

NAME REDACTED
PR Manager
LeaseTrader.com

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January 5

What’s a nice girl like you…

Filed under: Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:38 am

doodling in a place like this? Love it.

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December 10

Target Women: How To Get Hot Chicks

Filed under: Comedy,pop culture — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:46 am

How did we miss this?

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December 2

Metro sexual

Filed under: Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:18 am

Recently in Slate:

“One recent study conducted by officials at the Paris Metro — which looked at ‘missed connection’ ads placed by urbanites looking for love in the city — found that the Metro ‘is without doubt the foremost producer of urban tales about falling in love.’ The seats closest to the door, it seemed, offered the best opportunities for falling in love with the proper stranger. ‘The Metro is not the emotional desert, the social vacuum, that we sometimes believe it to be,’ observed the chief of the Paris Metro.”

Of course, that’s Paris. The sewer is romantic in Paris. But it couldn’t hurt to sit near the door, just in case. (Right, Dixie?)

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December 1

Tantra? I hardly know ya!

Filed under: News — posted by Paula @ 2:56 pm

Speed dating! If you think it’s a relic of the go-go late ‘90s — guys in fleecewear chatting up these ladies — or a mating practice of the hopelessly superficial and fidgety, you may want to try “deep dating,” like UK Guardian journalist Christine Ottery.

Ottery tested out two events that reflect a new trend in singles gatherings: blending the no-nonsense approach of the “hurry date” with Tantric sexual practices.

Whoa, slow down there, vivid imagination! The practices themselves amount to some G-rated physical affection and soulful eye contact, but it sounds like the attitude behind them is pretty solid: instead of mindlessly chattering away, potential partners get to connect on a slightly more “real” (and even spiritual) level than on a typical coffee date.

As Ottery writes:

Most of the sessions involve long periods of eye contact. Terrifying and liberating all at once, this is like skinny-dipping in someone’s irises, flinging off societal mores as you go.

Of course, eye contact is a big part of courtship whether you’re deep dating or not. Scientists have found that men gaze into the eyes of women they find attractive for twice as long as those they don’t. The researchers also said that women don’t use come-on eyes as much at first – and interpret this as a mixture of mistrust and the fear of ending up a single parent. I take it as a good sign, then, when I can stare somebody square in the peepers after just having met them.

Apart from the extended eyeballing and some pretty innocent body contact, not having to chat someone up is a sweet relief and makes for a surprisingly relaxed atmosphere. And once each individual mini-ritual is over, partners talk to each other, trading a mash-up of insights and giggles. Hawken tells me this can reveal, in a short space of time, the things you need to know about your suitor: “Can they listen? Are they sensitive to who you are? Are they able to talk about their feelings?”

Although Tantric dating hasn’t made a big splash in the States yet, I’m guessing it’s only a matter of time. In the meantime, we’ve still got that relic of the no-go ’00s—the cuddle party.

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November 23

Dating: the nuclear option

Filed under: News — posted by Mia @ 1:41 pm

The Nuclear Regulatory Commission’s strategy for attracting bright young talent gives new meaning to the phrase “nuclear fusion.”

As Jim McDermott, NCR chief human capital officer, said last week, “There are incentives, and then there are incentives. When we’re hiring, we say, ‘Is there a significant other in the picture?’ If there’s no significant other, I tell them, ‘We can help.’ ”

As the Federal Times blog explains, “McDermott said his unorthodox recruitment pitch works because while nuclear engineers may know how to split atoms, they’re not quite so adept on the dating front.”

I admit I got a bit skeeved upon reading “human capital officer” in the same breath as “dates” — and McDermott never explains exactly how his group can help — but there is something refreshing in that cool logic. Who can appreciate a nerd as well as a nerd? If highly specialized work is your life, then the physics lab might in fact be the best place to — as the blog puts it —  “meet other single engineers (who probably won’t roll their eyes at Star Trek or lectures on reactor cooling systems).” Niche dating in all flavors, especially nerd dating is on the rise thanks to the internet, and as BG points out, many geeky pursuits are inherently social.

And nobody’s being pimped out here. With more gender balance in the work environment, the notion of finding a suitable mate is extended to every engineer being courted by the  Nuclear Regulatory Commission. So far, NRC’s dating scheme, whatever it is — and which McDermott jokingly calls “NRC Harmony,” after eHarmony — has resulted in about eight or nine weddings.

Coda: While some blog commenters think find McDermott’s candor stereotyping and impolitic, NerdyGirl truly gets in the last word:”Who let the Muggles in? They’re the only ones who are whinging about what McDermott said. When your head is full of crunchy data goodness, it’s smart to have someone who understands that you don’t have time to get all ‘socially smooth’ like the Muggles are. There are too many interesting things to research and process…”

Lagniappe: 16 Golden Retrievers Teach You About Atoms! You’re welcome.

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November 20

(No) Call to Action

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:13 am

Getting back out there on March 9, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

It’s been almost a year, and I still feel sick to my stomach when I see the answering machine with zero messages. I know we can never bet back together, but I keep waiting for him to say he made a mistake. After fifteen years together, I don’t know where to go to meet someone else. Any advice for a 40-year-old NYC girl to find someone else to spend my energy on?

— Brook

Dear Brook,

Please know that we all feel a mite queasy when we come home to zero messages. I think we all know what Randy Travis meant when he sang, “If my phone still ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you.” BG even has a friend — we’ll call her Randy — who *69s when she zeros out, just to see for sure.

(more…)

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November 16

This week at Happen: 22, never had a boyfriend

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:57 am

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn helps KA who was recently spurned by a friend-boy and is feeling like a mutant because she’s never had a boyfriend at the ripe old age of 22. Check out Lynn’s advice-slash-pep-talk at Happen, then come back here to add your own thoughts below!

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September 29

Missed connections, illustrated

Filed under: Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:56 am

Via BuzzFeed: A Brooklyn artist beautifully illustrates the sweet, elegiac art of the “missed connection.”

Even if ” white guy, brown hair, blue/white striped shirt, earphones, red book” never again sees “white girl, brown hair, nosering, headphones, blue book,” their would-be love will be brought to life here.

Bonus reading: Mikki Halpin’s poignant and hilarious “My Year of Missed Connections.” (Featured, along with an essay by BG’s alter ego, in Single State of the Union: Single Women Speak Out on Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness.)

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July 28

Ms. Taken

Filed under: Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:20 am

Huh. Quoth our tipster:”Geez, I remember when the ‘Ms. Taken’ trend was going by its previous name, ‘The cubic zirconia from Dillard’s.'”

PS Video is NSFM*.

* Mood

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