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July 24, 2000   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need



To Salome from Belleruth:

You are having a serious depression and need help. Medication and counseling can do you a lot of good. If you're suicidal, you need to be in the hospital until you feel better. You're not crying now the way you did last time because you're more depressed now than you were then. When you're really, really depressed, you don't even cry. Those feelings of pointlessness and thinking about death, the poor concentration and the inertia are all part of the depression. It actually distorts your thinking, so you feel everything is hopeless...that doesn't mean it is. But the depression will make you certain it is.. it's almost impossible to see otherwise until you're out of the depression. Depressions this deep are usually connected to your biochemistry and a mood disorder that runs in your family. It's actually a physical problem, and it has nothing to do with being lucky or unlucky, having a good job or a bad job, being a good or a bad person. And that's why you need to see an experienced psychiatrist who knows how to prescribe the right combination of medication for you and can help you come back to your real self... and, as I said, if you're thinking about dying and have some ideas about how you'd like to kill yourself, it's time for the hospital. If "no one understands," it just means that you're talking to the wrong people. Breakup Girl has some good hotlines and emergency resources for you -- links included in this message -- if you don't know where to turn. But if you have a good friend, a trusted advisor or a therapist or family doctor you once saw that you trust, call them now. Get yourself some help. With the right kind of help, you can feel like a new person in a very short time. Don't mess with your life. Get going.

To The Longest Time BG Groupie from Carrie:

You actually found someone who uses the conditional subjunctive correctly? Does he have any brothers?! I can't tell you how tempted I am to submit "bad grammar" as a Dealbreaker. Makes me think of my fave Dave Barry line -- "If I'da known you'da wanted to went, I'da seen you'da got to get to go!"

And now for the predicted avalanche for Steve!

To Steve and Mary from JulieFoolie:

Hi to both of you. First of all my boyfriend, a wonderful, wonderful man, is both bald AND physically disabled. I first met "Stanley" when he had hair so when we reunited, it was a shock, but I dealt. Whoopie, who cares. I'm turned on by what's under the scalp, not on top of it.

Mary: Stanley isnt in a chair, but his disability is still very visible. Maybe I have an unusual background; when I was a teen my youth group had a wheelchair basketball team. We were the token "norms" and we sucked!) When I met Stanley eight years ago his disability was just never an issue for me. It was just an interesting fact, like my being left-handed. Whatever. It's more of an issue now, because he is more active with different agencies and becoming more vocal. Good. I think he's more centered now, since he seems more accepting of his own differences. I think to make things work, you have to accept yourself as a dynamo woman with a lot to offer... plus a set of wheels! Its easy for me to say that, I don't know your life or your circumstances, but you owe it to yourself and him to deal truthfully with the situation. Tell him. Give him the chance to deal or not. I could write volumes more on the subject, but I will just leave you with one of Stanley's best one liners...."So, a crip(ple) goes into a bar...and does just what everyone else does."

Also for Steve from B:

YES, Steve, women do like bald men. In my opinion if you're going to be bald though, be totally bald. There's something very sexy about a totally bald man.

And from Melissa:

LOTS of women like bald guys. For me, baldness has positive associations, because I've known and/or dated so many nice bald guys. I can't be the only woman who feels this way. Your baldness could be one of the very things that makes you attractive to women. Women also really like kindness, thoughfulness, good manners, a sense of humour, a sense of purpose, the list goes on and on! Plus, in the appearance category, there are just SO MANY other things that make a man attractive -- nice eyes, great smile, dressing with a bit of style. Trust me, if you make sure that your best qualities are as obvious as your bald spot, you can't go wrong.

more Shoutouts for Steve...



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