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January 26, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been with my boyfriend or more than four years. He is from Boston and I am from Malaysia. We met in Hong Kong four years ago. Four months ago, he got transferred to Singapore. Though we see each other a lot, I feel frustrated because I have to fly down three to four times a month. I am a flight attendant, so it's pretty cheap forme to travel, and he makes the effort to see me as well. But recently we've fought a lot. We fight over the issue of who's not doing their share of the relationship. Whenever a problem arises, he pushes me away. He said he cannot deal with this, especially when he's so stressed at work. I love this guy with all my heart. Please help.

-- JT

Dear JT,

Do you know how many -- and how often -- long distance couples all over the world say to one another, "Sigh. If only one of use were a flight attendant..."? But you really are a flight attendant! Holy cow! You are an inspiration to us all.

Unfortunately, however, Singapore Sam is not. Sounds to Breakup Girl like he's prepared for departure. Long-distance relationships are -- duh -- tough. But the distance itself is not necessarily the only reason they crash; in other words, it's not automatically the case that things would work out "if it weren't for the distance." In fact, long-distance things tend to exhibit the same problems you'd be having anyway, writ large. And so, if you ask me, it's time to get out of this holding pattern.

Breakup Girl



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