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Dear Breakup Girl,
I dated this guy over the summer and fell in love with him. He was real
nice, sweet, and caring and I didn't think I would lose him, but I did. Ever
since then I've felt empty and just use guys as some kind of toy to play with.
I know I've hurt a couple of people and I feel bad about it, but I can't help
it. I still love that guy but I don't know if he still likes me, should I keep
chasing him or should I stop. And how do I quit treating guys like a toy to
play with?
-- Samantha
Dear Samantha,
If there were such a thing as Breakup Girl
Laboratories, they would be hard at work on the Boyfriend Patch. Available in
fashion colors and Hello, Kitty designs, the Patch would, in the absence of an
actual or particular pined-after boyfriend, provide the fix-of-the-quickie that
we so often crave.
In the meantime, though, I will tell you that toy-boys
are much like Carmex lip balm and the alleged conspiracy behind it. The idea
being that your lips are chapped, you apply Carmex, they feel better
momentarily... but... "Mulder, are you suggesting that Carmex itself
actually makes your lips feel chapped again.?
You see where Breakup Girl is going with this. You
feel empty, you mess around, you feel better momentarily ... but ... the
fling itself actually makes you feel emptier. It serves not as a statsfying
replacement for your summer Mulder, but as an acute reminder that you don't
have him.
So. Flings, as you saw in Breakup Girl Meets Miss Fling are not Bad; it's just that a lot of the time, if you're not
careful, people wind up feeling bad. Now, if Breakup Girl could tell you
exactly how to stop doing this, she could also tell everyone exactly how to
stop smoking, eating junk food, and buying shoes they "need," and
everyone would actually do it. What Breakup Girl can tell you is that you
can help it, if you truly want to. Here's the key: figure out what
triggers the need to "use" someone -- I don't know, maybe getting
dissed when in your attempts to chase summer boy, or maybe drinking? -- and
avoid those triggers. Put a Hello, Kitty sticker on your shoulder if you need
reminding.
Love,
Breakup Girl
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