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March 16, 1998 e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Many of the letters that Breakup Girl receives start off like this:
Dear Breakup Girl, I have a question I'd like to ask you, if you're not

"Too Busy."

What do you guys mean, "too busy?" I mean, no, there's not enough time in the day -- nor room in cyberspace -- to actually answer all of your letters ... but in principle, no, I am not "too busy" to thoughtfully read and consider every letter I receive. That, gentle readers, is Breakup Girl's job. I have decided that this advice column is my priority and my baby; the thought of being "too busy" simply doesn't make sense. If I ever say I'm "too busy" to read your letters (not gonna happen! ) that would be code for "I'm just not interested anymore " or "David Duchovny is flying me to Fiji and my laptop doesn't work there." In which case I'd come back and write a double-length column the following week, most of which would be dedicated to comforting Tea Leoni. Point is, you're never too busy for what you truly love; and when you do get crazy busy once in a while; you do what you gotta do; you work it out.

Where am I going with all this?

Well, Breakup Girl is, frankly, too busy to hear about anyone else who says they are "too busy" for a relationship. That's why I'm going to settle the matter of "too busy" right now, once and for all. We've all got stuff to do; I'll make my points brief.

  • We all have 24 hours today.
  • The President has time to jog.*
  • Argued another way: the President has time for at least one relationship.
  • You either want a relationship or you don't. You are not "too busy." You want it bad enough, you make time for it. Look, BG's dear friend D. used to work 7 PM to 2 AM at a newspaper, only Mondays and Tuesday off. OF COURSE D. met the girl reporter of his dreams during this time. I don't know how they did it -- it wasn't easy, and it certainly wasn't magic -- but they did it, and they are still together. And now he has a better shift. As I said, you want it, you work at it, you work it out.
  • If you really want a relationship -- with someone in particular or just ... someone -- and you truly are at a loss about how to carve out the time from, say, an all-consuming job, then that's your sign that something's gotta give.

*joke borrowed from NY comedy writer/BG mentor Brian Frazer

Consider this: you should be "too busy" for a relationship. In a sense. If you're not in a relationship right now, but you'd like to be in one, you shouldn't leave a hole in your life that spews time onto your hands. Have your life. A full, complete, busy one. I'll say it one more time: a worthwhile relationship comes along, you'll work it out.

Now I'll make the time to elaborate:



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