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Dear Breakup Girl,

OK, so my fiancee returned the ring two months ago, with the old "I hope we can be friends" theme song playing in the background. We've talked twice since then, both times she wanted something from me and both times she was rude. Bottom line, we're WAY over.

So now I have this bridal set (I paid for all three rings) that stares me in the face at night. I know I need to get rid of it, and I found the perfect way to do it -- I'm visiting a friend of mine at the Grand Canyon this summer, and the set's gonna meet the mighty Colorado.

The problem is that no one but my friend whom I'm meeting understands. I still hurt and I need to see this relationship's last vestige dissappear into the depths of The World's Biggest Ditch. Everybody's cool with that. But they DON'T understand why I want to do it to the diamond I bought (1 carat marquis-cut VS quality- $2100) for the set. They think I'm crazy. And a little part of my soul think's I'm crazy, too. I know that it's a lot of money (two months of eating Ramen noodles twice a day and walking to work), but every time I look at the box I get all misty-eyed and upset. I can't have it in my house much longer. People have offered me money for the rings, and I refuse to sell.

Anyway, my question is, do you think that this is akin to burning a love note, or is it a sign of serious psychotic tendencies like my sister says? Thanks a lot -- and I love your message board! Peace out.

-- Barret

Dear Barret,

Hey, man, do what you want. No, that statement does not mean that Ramen noodles have become the official sodium source of BG.com. But you know what? My guess is that your sparkly little Girl's-Just-Friend will never make it to the banks of the Colorado. If its presence is driving you that nuts now, it won't last that long in your possession. Right now, you're feeling kind of dramatic -- not psychotic, mind you, just dramatic. (Also, since you asked, tossing the trinket is akin to burning a love note ... one scribbled in the margins of the Guttenberg Bible.) Trust me, you'll mellow out a little -- or crack -- before the summer rolls around, and you will find a middle ground somewhere between selling and tossing. Like, for example, selling -- and using the cash for something you've always wanted ... say, a badass titanium mountain bike for your trip to Colorado. Whatever. Something that makes you say, "Barret, my man, this is my gift to you."

In fact, Breakup Girl really recommends that you take the shopping approach. From a socially-conscious perspective, the "Children are starving and you're dumping a diamond in a canyon?!" argument goes without saying. But from a breakup-conscious perspective, I'd say that the ring-toss is not an effective means of achieving closure and healing. Let's say the river swallows the rhinestone -- and just a few months later, you're still paying for it by trudging five miles to work in the snow, padded with Ramen packets for added warmth. Where has that gotten you? You'll still be cursing both her and yourself. Not helpful. You're leaving waaaay too much room for regret. So if you are really hooked on this watery grave thing, drown your sorrows by tossing away her love notes, or her MCAT study notes (Breakup Girl did NOT just say that). Use the 1-carat for Numero Uno.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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