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June 15, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

Well, I have been reading your column regularly for a few months (since January, actually) when my boyfriend of one year and I broke up. It was good as far as breakups go... well, I guess, it was my first real relationship (I am now seventeen, he eighteen). We had a wonderful relationship, he was never less than all I could hope for in a sweetheart, first love, and best friend, we loved each other truly, and he never gave me a moment's anxiety about my decision to not have sex until marriage, in fact that was one of his favorite things about me. It ended on good terms and mutually when we decided that it was not necessary to be so serious at this age, (we both imagined marrying each other, and still do) and we wanted to give ourselves and each other more space and freedom. I've written two letters to you since all this, since it has been a rather up-an-down past few months in the love/guy department! But the status of things seems to change quite often and while I wait for a possible reply situations alter. To sum up the whole situation, there have been a few tough times since, but overall it is comforting/disturbing to know we both still love each other very much. Comforting because neither of us really wants to let the other go completely, because we have always shared dreams of the future and were each other's first love. Disturbing because just when I have concluded that I can let go of it all as a golden memory, I will realize how much we still both care and find that I still entertain ideas of us being together in the future. He has done some changing since our breakup, though, and these changes have been less than desirable... and he has disappointedme a few times since, too, when he ended up doing things he always said he wouldn't. And it has been hard on both of us seeing the other with possiblities for a new relationship (which we have both kept as only developing friendships... neither of us really wants to be tied down).

When I think of the 1000 amazing moments we've spent together, and how in spite of the wonderful guys now in my life I feel no one can ever be as special to me as my B. and the wonderful friendship we still have, I feel like getting back together with him (which he asked me about last night) would be wonderful... and the other half of me wants to be stubborn and stick to the original plan of doing a little growing up by ourselves instead of together, and if things come together in the future, then they were "meant to be." More than anything, I want to spend this summer (his last before he starts college) with him and just know that loving each other right now is enough. Should I keep things how they are (we're still each other's "person"), tell him that now is not the time to start something or just enjoy this summer with someone I love?


Dear A.,

What a lovely letter. Have a lovely summer. With B.

.... If you are prepared for the fact that his going to college will change things between you -- I can't predict exactly how, but it will. What happens then/there, and when you go, too -- not what happens this summer -- is what's going to have the most bearing on whether or not "things come together in the future." Have fun, but make sure one of your back-to-school supplies is a strong heart.

Breakup Girl



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