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June 22, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

Well, me and my girlfriend have been going out for 11 months and tommorow it would be a year. I have been to a shrink about 1 month and stopped because I felt fine, but I wasn't the problem I had to go to a shrink for -- it's my biological dad (I never knew him and he died by gunshots because he stole drugs from a gang member), but before all this I tried to meet him. Plus when I was about 12 my stepdad cheated on my mom and I looked at my stepdad as a real father (he also had a child with this other woman). Well I was wondering me and my ex-girlfriend got in a lot of fights and the reason we broke up is because of us fighting. Well I always snapped on her for the stupidest reasons so it was my fault mostly, but when I went to the shrink this never happened I never snapped or anything. So she said she needed time to sort things out so is it over or is there a chance and if there is another chance how can I stop snapping at her? Thanks.

-- Chris

Dear Chris,

Okay, everyone, since we've been on the topic of melo/drama this column, how many of you have just put your situation in perspective?

Anyway, Chris, whether or not there's a chance with this girl or the next depends a lot on you and your strength, will, and persistence. As wise Belleruth observes, "It's difficult to change a short fuse into a long one. It takes lots of time and support. People who are impulse-ridden don't always benefit from therapy -- you obviously do. But it will take months for him to develop enough control to keep a lid on it. So yes, you should (a) take great comfort in the fact that you stopped snapping while in therapy, and (b) get back there and stay there." What happened in your family shouldn't happen to any kid, but since it has, you're gonna need to adapt and learn this stuff if you want to help take your future family in a healthier direction. Good luck.

Breakup Girl



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