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June 22, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

Do you think a relationship that is essentially based on sex has any chance of becoming a "real" relationship? How does one make the transition from weekend partner to "girlfriend?"

-- Kathleen

Dear Kathleen,

Excellent question. And I have a funny feeling it's going to get brought up at the end of the summer, as well.

Now, at the risk of sounding old-fashioned (I'm going to wax sentimental about sex AND use a bread-baking analogy), I will tell you that what's hard here is the sense of going backwards and filling in a step -- say, the foundation of emotional intimacy that, according to many, should precede sex -- that you've already skipped over. Like the time Breakup Girl was about to put a loaf of bread in the oven and looked back over at the counter and realized she'd forgotten to put the yeast mixture in the batter. D'oh! I had to squish it -- the most essential ingredient -- back in and re-blend it all smoothly. It worked, but it was really, really hard. I was lucky -- the chemical balance of the gluteny goodness had not yet been irrevocably upset. So in your case, well, try it, but be circumspect. What you could do is, um, not have sex. How about a movie? A sundae date at the soda fountain? Just talking? (I told you, old fashioned.) Give it a few whirls, see what happens. Do you have something to talk about? Yes, or no? There's your answer. In this case, anyway.

Breakup Girl



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