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Dear Breakup Girl,
Okay, two questions.
1) Say you were hooking up with (OK, sleeping with) a guy for a month.
Literally every night. Also you've known the guy for a year, pretty well, and
been friends. He gets out of your bed one Saturday morning and asks you what
you're doing later that day. You then don't hear from him for oh maybe three
weeks. Then you call his machine to point out you have a bunch of his clothes
at your apartment. Then you find out he's been going out with his ex girlfriend
and a lot of your "friends" know about it and have not told you. Then
say you feel really depressed not to mention you feel like a really really big
tool. Say you are normally a cool person. What do you do? Thanks, please help,
I need it.
Now my roommate:
2) New problem: Okay, there's this guy from work that you may have hooked up
with to some extent (have NOT slept with) [This is my roommate rubbing in the
difference between her problem and mine.]
SO ANYWAY, he is NOT gay, but he has lots of girl "friends." He in
fact brought one of them to a bar tonight to perhaps confuse or bother me
about, and I don't know what to think. At our last real talking period,
everything seemed to be going well, in fact, I would say that I had the upper
hand. Now, after I sort of rejected his advances at work in front of
co-workers, he's giving me the cold shoulder by bringing along those whom I
consider to be these "girl friends." Why is he trying to hurt my
feelings? Does he still care?
-- Please Leave Us Anonymous Because These Stories are Painfully True
Okay, how come I have this weird feeling like I'm
writing back to Ally McBeal and her roommate?
Roommate 1: If you are normally a cool person, then
remain one. I don't really get from your wording whose clothes are where, but
get the pile back to its rightful owner (your roommate could help). Then do the
same with your pride. How? Grit your teeth, say nothing, move on. Yeah, maybe
your friends -- what about your roommate? -- shoulda piped up. But no matter
what, when "commitment" is only informal (as in, he may be there
every night, but you're still calling it 'hooking up'), then, unfortunately, so
is its demise. Sorry, but middle-ground relationships do wind up on a slightly
lower moral ground. Those -- along with the disproportionately large fallout --
are the strings attached to "no strings attached."
Roommate 2: Never mind this guy; do you still
care about your job? Playing out your mini-soap "in front of
co-workers" will not get you on the short list for employee of the month.
This one doesn't sound like an epic against-all-odds romance -- which the only
kind that's worth pursuing on the job.
My advice to you both: put on some Vonda Shepherd and
some cute pajamas, do a funny get-psyched girly dance around your apartment,
have a fashion crisis, and then go out and meet some new boys.
P.S. Same (in #1) goes for you, June's Flavor of
the Month, and you, Fed Up (with the guy who brought the gal into
your office). When the rules of "real relationship" don't apply, then
neither do the rules of "real breakup." It is yucky that Player seems
to be flaunting his New Dish in your face(s) but you don't really have the
right to tell him to stop. Eeeeuuw, but too bad.
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