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Dear Breakup Girl,
TRUST, OR BETRAYAL ???
My girl of 15 months went to a conference 5-6 hours drive away. She left
Tuesday and was supposed to be back late Thursday night or Friday depending on
how much money she had left. We were trying to sort through our problems at the
time. Her ex-husband and former "soulmate" lived in the city where
she was going. We talked about that. She assured me that it was completely over
4 years ago, and that their only contact would be when she dropped off (on
arrival) and picked up (at departure) their 7-year-old child. She also has a
16-year-old from another man. She is in her mid 30's.
Wednesday night she had already checked out of the hotel where the
conference was at, and where she was supposed to be staying, when I called her.
The hotel said she checked out at noon. I had last talked to her at 2 or 3 PM.
She did not tell me that she had checked out. She did not come home Wednesday
night. Thursday she called and left me a message, in reply to my worried
queries to the conference coordinator, saying that she had checked into this
other hotel Wednesday night. Her message also said that she loves me. She did
not try to reach me at home later or set a time to chat. She did not come home
Thursday night. I left her messages.
When I reached her at her home Friday afternoon, she said that she had been
home for several hours but had been running errands and had not yet gotten
around to calling me back. The hotel she claimed she stayed at Wednesday had
checked their records and could not locate her name anywhere. Her later excuse
was that she split a room with some woman she met at the conference at this
other hotel, that the room was in her name (she could not remember this woman's
last name). She did say that she stayed at her ex's Thursday night because they
took their child out together as a family, like the child wanted, and returned
too late (10:00 to 11:00 PM) for her to drive home. Once in a while, she does
drive for up to 3 hours to get home at 5:00 AM, after going dancing all night
with girlfriends until 2:00 AM in another city. She said she had no money left
for a hotel that Thursday night. She said she slept on a mattress on the floor
with her child. During a chat, her child was sure about sleeping soundly in
daddy's bed, not with mommy. My girl has insisted for several months that
nothing at all happened between her and her ex, that she has nothing more to
say about the subject.
I still cannot believe her completely.
I gave her ex an impromptu call recently to get at his story but he said
that he would not talk to me, that what is between him and my girl is their own
business! I want to break up and move on since I do not believe that nothing at
all happened. I think something did cause her to stay the night other than her
excuse, that something did happen, the extent of which it seems I'll never know
for sure. My dilemma is the possibility that my girl simply made a bad decision
to stay the night.
Although a career woman, she has made many bad decisions with past
relationships, has been with lots of men, has a very promiscuous past. She has
been candid about that. She used to have many sex flings, but says she has
settled down now, loves me, and wants to marry me. She says that the past is
long since behind her, for many years. She says she is done with her former
soulmate husband, that he is like a "brother" to her now. I still
suspect that something did happen on her trip that she cannot tell.
What do you think? Yes, I love her. Yet I shall move on if need be.What
should I do? I need to decide one way or the other now. She is pushing for a
commitment. Should I stay, or should I move on? All comments welcome.
Actually, I'm not sure all of my comments are going to
First, let me get on your good side. YES, if I were
you, I'd be suspicious, too, given what you now know about where she ...
Still, I don't know for sure what happened; I don't
know what will happen. You either. But I can tell you what it will take for you
two to stay together. Hey, PT: Do you have the wherewithal to trust her? Do
you have it in you? Cheating/lying are bad; they are not okay with Breakup
Girl. BUT. Are you going to check up on her when she leaves the house? Are you
going to get hotels to go through their records? I am not saying you weren't
"justified" (well, with calling the ex, you weren't); I'm just saying
this did-him/did-not stalemate does not form the basis for a nummy yummy
snuggly pooky marriage. Someone's gotta give. As in choose to trust, and go
from there. Or, simply, go. And let's just say it's not gonna be her. Up to
P.S. "Career woman" and "bad decisions
with past relationships" are unrelated. Speaking as a professional
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