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Dear Breakup Girl,
First of all, thank you so much for writing this column!! It really helped
me through the days that I was depressed after my boyfriend of 11 months
unexpectedly broke up with me. We had been broken up for four months when we
had a really big talk and decided to try again. We're a month into this stage
of our relationship and it's been going really well. We have one issue, though.
He thinks that he shouldn't have to tell me about anything (sexually) that he
did during the four months that we were apart. He thinks that I should just
trust him when he says that he has not done anything that will put me at risk.
He claims that he doesn't want to hear anything from me-- but I already told
him that I didn't sleep with anyone else-- and doesn't like to think of me as
having ever been with anyone else. I think that he just doesn't want to tell me
that he was with other girls-- doesn't want to hurt my feelings, admit to
casual sex, whatever. I think that it is important to know, though. He claims
that it is just curiosity and that I should be content with the fact that he
cares about me and no one else.
Help!! Am I being too pushy? Am I being unreasonable?
-- Confused
Dear Confused,
Another chance to reiterate my policy on this: don't
ask, don't tell. Do you trust him about the not putting you at risk part? If
so, then clench your fists and drop it. I've said it before, I'll say it again:
don't create some false gold standard of full disclosure and ask each other
more than you really want to know. The answer will likely be: more than you
really wanted to know.
Love,
Breakup Girl
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