PREVIOUS LETTER ||
NEXT LETTER >
Dear Breakup Girl,
First of all, kudos on a kick butt website. I've spent many an hour cruising
through and reading your hilarious and right-on responses.
Okay, after my necessary genuflecting, I have to go on and say that I feel
pretty much like crap now. I just had one of those moments, those moments that
get etched into your mind for the rest of eternity, so when I sit down and
think, when I'm 83: "When did I feel really, *really* stupid?" And
then this will come rushing back in technicolor, and I will emit an "Oh,
yeah." I'll keep this short, since I basically have one question. You are
the Miss Manners of the heartbroken set, so I thought you would be able to
answer it for me.
I had been coveting my new Friend-Boy for about a month or so now, and the
crush pretty much began with our friendship. We had that sort of vague Hanging
Out type of thing going on, which you can do with Friendly-Only people, as well
as with the I-Really-Want-to-Get-to-Know-You-Better folk.
I couldn't read him, and didn't have the cojones, in the beginning, to ask
him to qualify his side of our dynamic. He was excruciatingly shy, so if he
*was* interested, I wouldn't have been able to tell (but I tried, let me assure
you). So all in all, I just today asked him what was up bluntly, he just today
answered bluntly, and I am now grappling with the searing burn of rejection.
You're right, it *sucks.* Okay, though, at least I know.
So, my question is this: is it rude and trashy not to want to hang with him
anymore? I'm usually all about being as YGG (You Go Girl) as you can get, but I
know in this situation, I would spend a lot of time proving to him that I am
*so* Over It, which would be more of a hassle than anything else. I enjoy his
company, but I know I would harbor a weird little feeling that would be more of
a annoyance than anything else. I know it's my perogative to do whatever I
please, but if in your knowledge, people often get over this stuff called pride
and continue to have well-adjusted friendships, then I may just suck up the
humiliation and stick it out. On the other hand, if you've found that there
tends to be those remaining feelings fudging up the balance, I may throw this
one to the dogs.
I can eat ethnic food and see obscure films with girlfriends, and he was
more cute than anything else. What's your take?
--Embarassed as Heck (but *so* Over It, really.)
First of all, Breakup 'Rents: "kick-butt" is
good. And hey, Embarrassed: Thanks. Also on the Miss Manners thing, which as
far as compliments go, is waaaay up there.
Anyway, bless your bruised heart for writing such a
cutie patootie oh-so-true-tie letter. It's pointless for me to tell you not to
feel humiliated, but I will at least suggest that there's really no reason for
you to. It was only a month, you were forthright, end of story. It's not like
you got Joey and Chandler to help you with some elaborate ruse involving a big
rooster costume and a message on the Jumbotron in front of thousands of people.
Of course you felt stupid. But you didn't do anything stupid.
Now, to answer your question: yes, it would be rude
and trashy to call him up and say "Harrumph! All or nothin', buster!
That's the last you'll see of me!" or to "happen" to swing by
his hangout looking fierce with some tasty arm candy and proceed to vigorously
ignore him. But NO, it is not rude and trashy to not want to hang with him. Nor
is it not "well-adjusted." Heck, you're tuned-in enough to anticipate
the "proving I'm over it" pitfall. And again, it was only a month. To
not see him -- at least for a while -- is not high drama. Eccch, you've got
enough friends, don't you think?
PREVIOUS LETTER ||
NEXT LETTER >