Home Breakup Girl To The Rescue! - Super-Advice from Lynn Harris




Big To Do
About Us

October 12, 1998 e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Columbus Day:
"Discovering" Old Love -- New World...or Flat?

At this time five hundred and some years ago, the return of brave explorers from distant lands with exotic spices, luxury textiles, and precious gems leads to a temporary increase in the number of women who stay in relationships longer than they mean to.

Not to mention people who find themselves rediscovering relationships that -- as far as they'd thought -- had sailed off into the unknown.

Let me take this opportunity, then, to deliver a very-mini-homily on the ever-confounding question (previously explored here): Should we get back together? And if it's worth a try, then how?

Here's the bottom line. Breakup Girl will not even entertain this question unless you can convince her that -- paradoxically -- this Ferdinand or Isabella does not still, somehow, rule your life. That's right. Breakups, even when they're the "right thing," take a while to get over. In the thick of it, who's to say whether you're actually willing to make a new, improved go of it, or whether you're actually just ... bummed? Wishing you were still together and actually wanting to get back together are two different things. You have to have moved far enough away to be able to see the big picture. First and foremost, you have to be fine -- a little forlorn, maybe, but still fine -- without them. Reunions are not about getting to the edge, realizing it's scary and different and savage and lonely, and heading back full speed; chart that course, and you'll be off to a honeymoon in Bermuda (the triangle part). No: reunions are about heading off around the world and coming back full circle -- from an entirely different direction.

And as for "how?" Briefly stated, spare the fanfare. Yes, a spectacular gesture can come from a sincere place. But when you rent an intimate nook like Madison Square Garden and hire Boys II Men and the Dixie Chicks for a come-back-to-me serenade, the message you deliver is: "Hey! I'm gonna knock your socks off so hard, you'll forget to ask me how the relationship will be different this time!" Style's fine, but be ready to provide substance, too.

So all of you with this question on your mind should observe this holiday with careful thought and consideration. Once we know you guys are squared away, Paul the Intern and I might take a little topical break to take in the film that is no doubt all over cable today, "Christopher Columbus: The Discovery." BG cannot wait to see it; Paul the Intern cannot get enough. "With Tom Selleck, of all people, playing King Ferdinand," he says, "it's like a dream episode of 'Magnum.'"

And so, I'll move right along to the:

Predicament of the Week



blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

Advice Archive
BG Glossary
Breakups 101

Web BG.net

Hey Kids! Buy The Book!
Available at Amazon