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Dear Breakup Girl,
Discovered your site about an hour ago, and you've already answered a few
questions I didn't even know I'd asked. But ay, here's the rub. I'm a
27-year-old card-carrying nice guy. Other than not having a car and still
living with the 'rents, I'm a pretty good catch, or so I'm told.
Which is part of the problem... I'm invariably told I'm a "great
catch," "real prince," "such a sweet guy," etc. By
women who either a) have no romantic interest in me whatsoever, b) are
married/engaged/ blissfully happy and thus can compliment nice guys with
impunity, or c) both. You'd think they'd tell their single female friends...
but then again, life would be too simple if things happened that way.
Which brings up my first question... how do I upgrade myself, or at least my
perceived image, from NiceGuy 1.0 to the version that actually lets the world
know I have other features?
And then there's my other problem, the cluelessness. I am *awful* at reading
signals... positive ones, anyway. Complete lack of interest, I get right
But anything short of my bones being actively jumped is met with confusion
on my part. As a result, I end up very hesitant to make a concrete move, and
either a) she gives up and moves on or b) she responds to my non-move-like
gestures and we become *sigh* friends, or something thereabouts. Not that
friendship is bad, but it pretty much means that the love boat has sailed, and
ain't coming back.
So my other question, BG, is howHowHOW do I know? Are women too subtle, or
am I really that dense?
-- Clueless in Canada
First of all, let me refer you to my column on
Friend Boys, and then to
... well, pretty much every other column I've written, ever. Such a common
question. You are not alone. I mean, not in this way.
So. As I've said it a million times (here's a brief
summary): be nice because you are naturally, not because you're Being Nice. You
know this already: bag the "non-move-like gestures." Don't drive her
to the airport, drive her to the movies. Loft,
schmoft. Act like a
Which brings me to my next point: the
"signs." You can read total rejection, good. (It's a rarer skill than
one might think.) But other than that: who the heck knows? Some gals think
they're being totally shamelessly forward, while their quarry remains
oblivious. A gal tosses a drink in a guy's face, he says, "Damn, she was
all over me!" The more reliable way of going about this business is not to
read signs, but to give them. See: nice, movies, move-like gestures, etc.
above. Ask her out. She says no, ask her one more time, later. (She
mentions Diana's Last Days 1.0, drop it.) How do you "know,"
Clueless, bottom line? Well, consider this: sometimes she doesn't know
... until you ask.
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