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Dear Breakup Girl,

I don't know what to do... I can't seem to get people interested in me. By interested, I don't mean romantically, necessarily-- but platonically also. I'm not that shy or self-conscious really.. it's just that when I'm having a conversation with someone I don't know, I usually don't think of much to say in reply to fluff like "It's a really cold winter this year!" Actually, I have this same problem with friends sometimes... call me smalltalk impaired.

But I do try my hand at it... unsuccessfully. The things that I say don't seem to interest the other person. I have a few close friends who told me that I acted very reserved... although that's not the way I feel all of the time. I've become obsessed with trying to please the other person in a conversation -- yes, I know I shouldn't "change" myself for the other person... or should I? What if the majority of people are simply not interested in talking to "me"? What if the real me is simply too serious/unsociable by nature for most people to befriend?

It's not that I enjoy smalltalk that much, but I get this sick defeated feeling because other people do not seem able to relate to me-- I wonder what it is exactly about the way I talk that does not ... entertain other people? Am I really that different?

-- Nonconversationalist

Dear Non,

Here's a trick. If you ask people lots of questions about themselves, they think you are really interesting. I am totally serious. No, this is not the way to conduct an entire friendship. But it should help get you around this "trying to please" thing, not to mention the massive wall of self-consciousness you must have built up. And the truly interesting/interested people -- forget the others -- will get the idea and say "What about you?"

Love,
Breakup Girl

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