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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm opinionated, outspoken, abstract, a riot grrl, and usually very forward when it comes to dating.

I have been attempting to engage in a relationship with a painfully shy guy. He's opinionated, intelligent, analytical, a bookworm, and as I said, excruciatingly shy. We've taken a writing class together for almost a whole school year now, and we sit together and actually engage in intelligent conversation. We argue, we laugh, and we have a couple inside jokes. But as soon as class ends, he totally ignores me.

I want to approach bookworm boy for a date or at least to do something outside of school, but he's sending such mixed signals I have no idea what to think here. I'm going crazy!!! I'm afraid that if I'm too forward, he'll stop talking to me altogether.

Any thoughts?
-- Scary Grrl

Dear Scary Spice,

Maybe this is a painfully obvious point, but if he's that painfully shy, it makes sense that he hasn't sent a clear signal such as, say, asking you out. It also means that, were you to ask this cute boy out, he'd be blissfully sigh-heavingly relieved that you saved him the terrifying trouble.

That said, yeah, you might want to be a little choosy / circumspect about whatever move you might make. I mean sure, ask him to do something outside of class -- but not, say, an audience-participation poetry slam, or karaoke. Is there a project you could do together? A rendezvous in a nice, quiet place, like a library, or a tennis match? If he seems receptive, your signal #2 could be a little less mixed. Beyond that -- and this is an observation, not an insult -- any guy who'd clam up for good when a mini-move gets made maybe isn't the right guy for a riot grrrl.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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