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Dear Breakup Girl,

I was lucky enough to be loved for little over a year by a wonderful, sweet, loving man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. The problem is that about two weeks ago--coinciding with a job change and a move--I realized I didn't want all that with him. I can't believe I've done this to myself, but there it is: we had to break up, otherwise we'd have gotten divorced eventually, for all the little reasons that eventually snowball into big reasons. The guy (we'll call him Mr. Ex) did not share these opinions, and I am still disentangling myself from the situation.

So my problem is this: I now want to date a friend of his. This particular friend (we'll call him Mr. Ex's Friend) is a touchy issue, because said friend (A) has a crush on me already, and (B) represents everything that Mr. Ex was NOT. Mr. Ex used to joke, "If not for me, you and Mr. Ex's Friend would be married by now..." and "Someday you'll come to your senses and date someone like Mr. Ex's Friend..."

In essence, with his jealousy and insecurity about his friend, Mr. Ex has given me the idea to check him out after all. Can I do this? Will I rot in hell? Am I a cold-hearted fiend for breaking up with a wonderful person and being immediately ready to date his friend?

-- Clear-Headed and Cold-Hearted

Dear Clear-Headed and Cold-Hearted,

You are not a cold-hearted fiend for having had the idea to check out Mr. Friend. It's a close-to-home rebound reflex, and sure enough, Mr. Ex himself was the one tapping your knee.

But. It has been two weeks. Ergo, if you date him now, you will rot in hell. Listen to Mr. Ex and date him ... "someday."

Love,
Breakup Girl

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