"I'M SO HAPPY YOU FAILED." Laptop's new sour-pop import single said it; BG didn't. Check out the mad cool multimedia CD!

THEMAN.COM. Just launched. Hey, Brad! They say to bake cakes!

"ACT LIKE A LADY!" -- Sen. Jesse Helms to Rep. Lynne Woolsey, who, with her colleagues, sought to meet with him regarding the United Nations Convention to End All Forms of Discrimination Against Women. At least he's consistent. (He's fluent with words like "floccinaucinihilipilification," but with "irony," not so much.)

RAVE UN2 THE JOY FANTASTIC. The Artist's first major label (Arista) studio album since 1996. Way to survive his breakups with Warner and EMI.

THE TUPPERWARE THEORY OF RELATIONSHIPS. Advanced by Alison Hannigan and friend in this month's CosmoGirl: "You can have all this mismatched Tupperware and lids, but you can never get them sealed quite right. That one edge always keeps popping up. It's supposed to fit, but it rarely does. You've gotta try a few lids before you find the one that actually snaps." Store brownies inside until then, Bradster.

TEEN PREGNANCY DOWN. The NCHS reports that girls 15 to 17 have the lowest birth rate in 40 years; much of the decline is ascribed to increased use of birth control. Yeah, but kids -- like Lisa -- are still having sex waaaaay early. So are most 30-year-olds, but anyway.

POCKET READER. Color is so five minutes ago: this electronic highlighter -- yep -- stores text instead. Best use I can think of: storing, chapter by chapter, bootleg Harry Potter.

HOME COMFORTS. More about survival than style, this don't-call-her-Martha's guide to The Art and Science of Keeping House includes, among many other things, "a skeptical discussion of the excessive use of disinfectants in the home." Which makes me think that Breakup Mom will send the anti-Potter people after her, too.

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