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January 19, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

After reading these letters I was impressed how you handled the situations with great level-headedness. So I'll give it a whirl with my story.

I went out with this girl for nine months and let me tell you I was the happiest I've ever been. Everything about her was amazing to me. I knew we were going to break up because of our likes and dislikes. Our personalities were right on but we couldn't decide on chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Sad. So here I am writing to Breakup Girl more than ONE YEAR later asking for someone to hit me on the head so I'll forget this girl. Each of the few times that I talk to her she has always been so nice to me but I know she doesn't want me anymore. I wish she would be mean. Anyway, If I can reason with myself like this, why haven't I moved on?

--In Need of a Lobotomy


Dear Lobotomy,

Thanks. Just doing my job.

Anyway, here are my observations:

1. Yeah, wouldn't breakups be a cinch if they happened only with loathsome trolls?

2. You may have noticed that your heart and your brain are completely separate organs. Your heart acts with, if you will, a mind of its own.

3. "Moving on" is a slippery concept -- and that in itself is a key thing to remember. Sometimes people expect that much-sought-after "moved-on" feeling to hit them like a lightning bolt (or, in your case, a smack on the head.) Well, it's not that simple or clear-cut.

IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: While "moved-on" is, in part, something that Just Happens as time passes (really! I swear!), it is also, in part, a decision that you Just Make, no matter how you feel ... no matter how much chocolate (or was it vanilla?) ice cream still jogs your memories of her.

You know that perky little scientific factoid about how when you force your mouth into a smile, it actually triggers happy hormones -- ? Sounds to Breakup Girl that at this point, forcing your bad self into a date just might send the right signals to the Moving On lobe of your brain. Even with movie prices being what they are, it's still a better deal than a lobotomy.

Breakup Girl



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