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Dear Breakup Girl,
I am turning to you to get another viewpoint -- hopefully one from someone
not so closely involved in this mess.
My friends and family all say "just hang up on the sucka!" Yes,
you've guessed it, I'm getting divorced from my husband of 5 years...and he
will not leave me alone. He calls me at work, at home, when I'm in the
shower, outside, in meetings -- I've repeatedly asked, told, begged, pleaded
with him not to do this, but it continues.
At home, I've got Caller ID and can screen calls through the answering
machine, and unless he actually has some valid reason he needs to speak with
me, I let him leave a message and do not talk to him. At work, however, I have
to pick up my phone when it rings (unique concept, huh?!) and at least once a
day it's him. "Hi, whadda ya doin?" He has never grasped that I work
in a furiously fast-paced computer software company, and I have neither the
time or inclination (especially now!) to sit and talk to him about
nothing...that kind of behavior is for lovers, which we certainly aren't now
and probably never were (yes, it was a horrible marriage and involved every
kind of abuse you can think of from him towards me). I just want him out of my
life.
I'm much happier, so is my 9 yr. old son, and we're doing great -- except
for this. I try very hard not to get sucked back into old patterns, and just be
cool, calm and collected and not go off on tangents or talk about the
"why?" anymore -- it just is. In other words, I'm not in any way
enabling him but he still won't get the message and I'm at my wits end.
Any suggestions?
-- Deb
Dear Deb,
Here's another viewpoint: that of the phone company.
Call the one in your area and ask to be connected to their Annoyance Call
Bureau. Explain the situation and see what the legalities are. See, he's the
one who needs to hear from someone "not so closely involved." I know
you're not deliberately "enabling" him, but in his "Hi, whadda
ya doin?" state (i.e., of Denial), just hearing your voice perpetuates his
connection to you. Getting a call from a third party (i.e., the Annoyance Call
Police) just might break the connection.
Love,
Breakup Girl
P.S. Depending on where you live, you might also look
into call
blocking.
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