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Dear Breakup Girl,

Even though I'm wildly happy in my nine-month (and counting) relationship, I'd like to take revenge on the rat who preceeded the Man of My Dreams. We met on a work trip, did the Deed a couple of times, and he asked me not to tell our mutual friends. This was all fine 'til I had to listen to another of our mutual friends (10 years younger than me, blond, long legs, 20 years younger than him) tell me that she and he had been together since a few months ago and he'd asked her to keep quiet. Needless to say, I spilled the beans and we had a good girl-power afternoon comparing notes. Then he denied to her that he and I had ever been more than friends and they both froze me out. I'm probably better off without them but that kind of behavior cries out for teaching a lesson, don't you think?
-- Baffled

Dear Baffled,

With all due respect, I am going to say the same thing to you that Breakup Mom says to Breakup Dog when she (Dog) tries to eat a rotting squirrel:

"No. Drop it."

Love,
Breakup Girl

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