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July 13, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


NOTE: BG is way too tired to go in and put in uppercase letters where they should be in the following letter.

dear breakup girl,

okay, i am not dumped. i am not suffering from low self-esteem or anything like that, or more honestly, i am not suffering any more than anyone else i know. my problem has to do with an impending dumping. well, not dumping, but an impending end to a relationship. i need help here. i met this guy about a month ago, and he's really wonderful. not extremely god-like, but he treats me well and he has a heart of gold. he makes me laugh. i have all of the classic signs of really falling for this guy, you know, not eating and getting all giggly and stuff when he's around as well as an insatiable urge to buy cutesy teddy- bears and sexy lingerie. sounds pretty good huh? well it isn't. i'm moving across the country in about a month. this is truly the first guy i am beginning to trust since my last relationship... a relationship where i was abused, then terrorized and finally stalked. i feel like i am ready to open up to a guy again, and he is definitely worth it, but the fact that i am leaving so soon makes it hard. am i just kidding myself? am i really not ready and just using my leaving as an excuse for not opening up? if i am i am doing a horrible job of it. subconciously and unconciously (i talk in my sleep) i have shown this guy more of who i am than anyone else in quite some time. the question is: am i still on the rebound of a psycho stalker, and if not, what the hell am i supposed to do?! i am a firm disbeliever in long distance relationships. i know i should have fun, but sometimes that's easier said than done where the heart is concerned. leaving hangs above me like a dagger.

-- the nightingale

dear nightingale,

now i'll use all lowercase so you don't feel left out. (also, the shift key is so heavy.)

i think what you have here is not a case of fake-out rebounding, but a case of lousy luck -- with good news mixed in. the rotten news is, just when you meet teddy bear boy, you're leaving. crap. the good news is, just as you say: you are starting to open up and trust again., wobbly and uncertain though you may feel.

look at it this way. think of your life as a fairy tale. a modern fairy tale, but a fairy tale nonetheless. think of this guy as the fanciful character who shows up, sometime during the central-conflict-resolution process, to help you on your way. in other words, this very guy may not be present at the happy ending, but he's the one who shows up on the path and gives you the magic beans you need to get where you were going. got it?

so enjoy his presence while it lasts, if you can. he's at least been the guy who's helped you heal, or who has at least shown you that you are healing. that's pretty good in and of itself. while it makes leaving him harder, it also gives you a magic cape of Meaning to wrap around this relationship. and who knows? when it comes to long-distance relationships, maybe he'll also be the one to help you believe.

breakup girl



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