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October 5, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

It started about four months ago. I met a wonderful guy who I thought would be the ONE. I wasn't really looking at the time for anyone serious. Things started out fast and furious. Spent all of our time together and never fought. Two months into the relationship I mysteriously contract the Herpes virus. He tells me he doesn't have it and also that it won't interfere with the relationship. Soon after he starts to become distant. I really don't think anything of it, thinking he just has some added stress. We continue on a healthy path for another month. Then 4 days ago he breaks up with me because (1) he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He just wants to be "alone". He had been alone for 2 years before meeting me. And (2) he isn't sure that he can handle the Herpes thing anymore. I know that I am better off without someone who can't deal with the virus, but don't you think he owes me an explanation about why he suddenly changed his mind. I also would really like to know if he lied to me all along about whether or not he had the virus. I think he owes me that.

-- Suzi

Dear Suzi,

Yep, he kinda does owe you. More data about the virus, not about the breakup. It's an important health issue, simple as that. Ask him point-blank. But nicely, non-accusingly. What does he have to lose? You're already broken up. He may not offer much, but you're totally allowed -- encouraged -- to ask. Also, I recommend you find a support or social group for like-virused people. You'd thought of that already, right? Please take care of yourself.

Breakup Girl



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