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"Discovering" Old Love -- New World...or
At this time five hundred and some years ago, the return of brave explorers
from distant lands with exotic spices, luxury textiles, and precious gems leads
to a temporary increase in the number of women who stay in relationships longer
than they mean to.
Not to mention people who find themselves rediscovering relationships that
-- as far as they'd thought -- had sailed off into the unknown.
Let me take this opportunity, then, to deliver a very-mini-homily on the
ever-confounding question (previously explored here):
Should we get back together? And if it's worth a try, then
the bottom line. Breakup Girl will not even entertain this question unless you
can convince her that -- paradoxically -- this Ferdinand or Isabella does
not still, somehow, rule your life. That's right. Breakups, even when
they're the "right thing," take a while to get
over. In the thick of it, who's to say whether you're actually willing to
make a new, improved go of it, or whether you're actually just ... bummed?
Wishing you were still together and actually wanting to get back together are
two different things. You have to have moved far enough away to be able to see
the big picture. First and foremost, you have to be fine -- a little forlorn,
maybe, but still fine -- without them. Reunions are not about getting to the
edge, realizing it's scary and different and savage and lonely, and heading
back full speed; chart that course, and you'll be off to a honeymoon in Bermuda
(the triangle part). No: reunions are about heading off around the world and
coming back full circle -- from an entirely different direction.
And as for "how?" Briefly stated, spare the fanfare. Yes, a
spectacular gesture can come from a sincere place. But when you rent an
intimate nook like Madison Square Garden and hire Boys II Men and the Dixie
Chicks for a come-back-to-me serenade, the message you deliver is: "Hey!
I'm gonna knock your socks off so hard, you'll forget to ask me how the
relationship will be different this time!" Style's fine, but be ready to
provide substance, too.
So all of you with this question on your mind should observe this holiday
with careful thought and consideration. Once we know you guys are squared away,
Paul the Intern and I might take a little topical break to take in the film
that is no doubt all over cable today, "Christopher Columbus: The
Discovery." BG cannot wait to see it; Paul the Intern cannot get enough.
"With Tom Selleck, of all people, playing King Ferdinand," he says,
"it's like a dream episode of 'Magnum.'"
And so, I'll move right along to the:
Predicament of the Week
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