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November 30, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm dating a guy nine years younger than me. The problem is that he doesn't know how old I am, and I'm scared to tell him. We've been dating about seven months now, and I'm beginning to feel guilty because he has started to mention the forever-together word. He has never come straight out and asked me my age, but I do look younger than I am. I really don't want to tell him because or the past actions past boyfriends have exhibited once I told them my age. I really don't care that I'm wasting time with somebody who might not accept me for who I am, because I've already been married, had long term relationships, and don't really care about long term or commitment anymore. Do you think I should tell my boyfriend my age?

-- Julie

Dear Julie,

Oooh, are you the girl from Felicity?

Regardless, here's my concern: this hasn't come up? In seven months? What do you guys talk about? Never mind that he hasn't outright asked, but it hasn't just come up? As in, "Actually, I was an infant, so no, I don't remember what I was doing when John Glenn landed. The first time." -- ? Nothing? For me, that's the oddest thing going on here.

So I'm guessing that he somehow already knows and doesn't care, or doesn't know and doesn't care. But there is a talk you guys should have, even if it's not about how many times you've been 29. Because if he's making together-forever noises, and you're still withholding basic facts -- and/because you're not concerned with long-term commitment -- then there's a gap here that's not measured in years. You might [by default] lie about your age, but at least act it.

Breakup Girl



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