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Dear Breakup Girl,
I met this really amazing guy three years ago, when I was dating another
really amazing guy. AG#1 and I became fairly good friends, saw each other at
school frequently and ended up on the one hour bus ride to and from school
together fairly often. Sometime in the year that followed, I split with AG#2
(just our lived heading in different directions) at which point I went into
dating overdrive. Being young and immature (18) but thinking I knew it all,
there was a string of guys which I saw for a few weeks and then tossed aside,
none of them were amazing. Meanwhile, AG#1 and I are spending more and more
time together, going out for dinner, seeing movies, drinking at the bar after
class together and having wonderfully stimulating (intellectually)
About a year and a half after our first meeting, we get quite inebriated and
end up kissing on my front step and discussing the possibility of us getting
together. I knew then that he felt more about me than I felt about him, but I
went ahead anyway thinking, I should like him, he's amazing! So what happens?
The next day I flip out and tell him it's not going to work, I can't deal etc.
etc. Being the AG that he is, he is totally cool about the whole thing. A few
days later, he goes home for the summer, and the next fall, I leave to go away
to school halfway across the country.
Well, it's been a year and a half now since the whole kissing thing happened
between us and we have still never talked about it. Things haven't been quite
the same between us since then either, and I feel totally terrible about my
behaviour. Well, after an amazing dinner with him this summer, right before I
again left to come back to school, I started to think about him in a different
way, seriously this time. And since I've been back I sometimes miss him so much
that it physically hurts me. The problem, there is no one else in my life right
now, but there is someone in his. We talk on the phone and he doesn't talk
about her much, I get the feeling it's not serious. And recently he totally
hinted that he was still thinking about me as more that just his friend. I
would like nothing more than to explore this possibility when I get home for
Christmas, but am very unsure about whether or not he is on the same page as
me. Plus, I want to be sure this time that I want a relationship with him, he's
so amazing that the thought of me hurting him again scares me. I more than
anything don't want to lose him as a friend. Any thoughts?
-- Hoping to Change His Mind
Eaaaaaasy there, kiddo. AG may be holding back with
her and hinting with you, but: there is a "her" in this sentence
who's not you. You know what I'm about to say: no poaching. But since you are
his friend, you do have a loophole this Christmas: ask him about her. About how
she's doing, about how he's doing, about how they're doing; not about
what you two are doing. Just get him talking -- that's what friends do, right?
Then act accordingly (note: kissing on your front step again just because
"it's not serious" with her is not "accordingly"). What I'm
hoping, Hoping, is that you at least find a way not to pine when you go back to
college. 'Cause what I'm wondering, Hoping, is whether something -- not just
someone -- is missing from your life on campus. Are you happy? Are you lonely?
Do you have good friends? Do you enjoy your classes? Throw yourself into
school, not at someone taken and miles away.
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