< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

My prom date is Sam. He is gorgeous, rah rah rah. But, when it comes down to it I am not attracted to him at all. He's nice, gorgeous smile (he's known for it.) And all the rest of it. Well, I found out a couple weeks back that he was a bit upset because he was the only guy out of his friends who doesn't have a girlfriend. So, my friend brought this to my attention and she is sure he's looking at me as a potential girlfriend. I tend to agree -- considering the comments made by him. Now, this is fine but at this very moment if he wanted to date me I would say no. Because I don't like him like that. Next, is the afters party. He is going. I am going. At afters parties -- you get with someone, anyone; first choice is usually your date. I would get with Sam, (make-out..you get the idea.) but I wouldn't go out with him. I don't want to lead him on so is he off-limits at the afters party? I'm afraid if I ended up getting with him, he'd find out I wasn't interested in actually going out with him, and hate me. And he's not the type of guy you would want to hurt. I have found in the past, a guy who falls under this category happens a lot, and on 'the night' whatever night it happens to be, I fall in love with them and think I like them...this leads to getting with. Then the next day after getting with them I realise it wasn't a long term liking him type thing. SO -- do I go for it and upset him heaps, or stay away from him as much as possible even if I do THINK I like him heaps...but soon to find out the next morning that I don't??? If I chose to stay away, I always tend to regret not getting with them, and then like them, and want a relationship. It seems to me it's like what you want you can't have, and once you've got it, you don't want it anymore cuz you have it. How do you work around it? You're my only hope.

-- Anonymous

Dear Anoymous,

About Sam. If you wanted to be supadupa mondo mature and considerate, you could tell him nicely, before prom, that you are stoked-issima to go with him and, perhaps you're being presumptuous, blah blah blah, but you just thought it would be a good idea to let him know that you feel like the date is more of a Friend Thing. That way you'll gird his feelings beforehand, and you'll have done your own advance work: you won't have to explain from scratch if/when the moment of "get with" truth arises (because at that point, I guarantee you, "getting with" will be the path of least resistance).

About that: yes, according to the letter of the law, if you really feel nothing for Sam, he is off-limits at the party (don't know where that leaves either of you, getting-with-wise, because as you describe it, your next choice would be someone else's date, as would his, and the whole thing is starting to sound like an entire season of 90210 in one night). Which brings me around to this: you don't really have a problem. Yes, sure, the boys are always cuter on the other side of the fence. But let's say you don't get with Sam. According to your pattern, you'd like him the next day. Rah rah rah!

Love,
Breakup Girl

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >