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Dear Breakup Girl,

A week ago I met a girl, I'll call her Cynthia, and we hit it off. We stayed up an entire night talking to each other, and we had a lot in common, mostly that we both had been royally screwed by the opposite sex on many occasions. I asked Cynthia on a date and she accepted, but she called relentlessly, so I made the hour trip to her house four days in a row. The first night we went to the beach, talked, and had a great time. Same deal the second night. The third night, I leaned in for a kiss, expecting an innocent peck on the lips, and instead found Cynthia's tongue groping my mouth. She was all over me for the next HOUR. I went back hesitantly the next night, and she was all over me again. I'll not lie and say I didn't enjoy it, but the more I got to thinking about it, the more uncomfortable it made me.

Now for the part that really complicates things. The reason Cynthia had trouble with men is because she has a slight eye disfigurement, and I'm sure you know how superficial we are. I can't keep seeing her if she's all over me, but any request to tell her to back off will be taken as "I got mine, now you're outta here." Also, a lot of her friends are my friends, so I'll get the usual tongue lashing (no pun intended) from them.

Currently I'm hiding from the phone in a panic wondering how to keep her as a friend, possibly a girlfriend, and trying not to piss off the entire female population.

--In A Mess

Dear In a Mess,

Ooh, is it Shannen Doherty? Her eyes are totally crooked.

Otherwise, In a Mess, what's really going on here?

1. If you really hit it off with and enjoy being with her and the only thing bugging you is that you think other people will think she's funny looking, then there's a choice here that you're going to have to make (or a loss -- and a self-- that you're going to have to live with).

2. If you just want to take things slower, there are certainly ways to suggest that -- "Wow, whoa, I got so carried away with the beach and all, and I don't regret it. But I wonder if, if we're going to pursue this thing, it might be wise to take some time to do some other stuff first, without tongue" -- that say anything but "I got mine, you're outta here."

3. If you want to keep dating her just to save face (yours) and to prove ("prove") that she doesn't gross you out, don't. Not to mention: the "her friends are my friends" thing is an excuse; this is hardly the first instance of intra-posse dumpage. Treat her respectfully no matter what you decide, and no matter what they say you can, knowing that you did your not-infallible human best, turn the other cheek.

So which is it? I'm all ears.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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