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Dear Breakup Girl,

I need help on managing this "first-impression" thing. Often, when I meet a guy with definite "potential," I slip into "standup comedy mode" in order to appear, well, not so serious, even though I'd like to plant a wet one on him. However, it seems to have gone to the extreme. I've seen expressions on guy's faces that I've never seen anywhere, followed by an "I'd better get going..." I can't seem to control my joking, though I keep my jokes clean. Should I just get my mouth stitched up even though I have a cute smile? I'm 26; I haven't got much time left. How can I better handle those first vital moments? I (and the guys of the world) appreciate your help.

--Kristin

Dear Kristin,

You "slip into standup comedy mode?" Welcome to my nightmare.

No, really. It's funny: humor isn't always ... funny. (Take, for example, those "consultants" who get called in to "inject fun into the corporate environment" using googly glasses and whoopee cushions. ) Now, I'm not suggesting that you're unfunny, but I am suggesting that you're just ... shy. That's right, shy. It's like, "If I can just keep talking, I won't have to ... say anything!" You know? And jokes, for whatever reason, come fastest and easiest.

What to do? Well, a while ago, I tried to train myself not to say "um" and "you know" by forcing myself to subsitute simply: silence. Just pausing briefly instead. It works pretty well. (Now I use those words only for, um, humorous effect.) Maybe you could try the same thing? Every time you hear your inner joker start to say "Uhh...knock knock!" maybe substitute a conversation-forwarding question? Or that cute smile? Heck, let the boy do some of the work, too.

Either that, or count on the fact that the one who's right backatcha with The Funny is the one who'll turn into something serious. Try not to worry. You, at 26, "haven't got much time left?" Now that's funny. (Um, nervous laugh.)

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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