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Dear Breakup Girl,

There is this girl who I think the world of. She's 23; I'm 24. I would hate for her to be the one that got away. Everything is there when we're together. We have the same interests; we have fun; we can have real conversation; there is definitely an attraction and chemistry; we have respect for one another; all her friends like me, and all of my friends like her. We've even hooked up a few times, both from alcohol and when sober. She is also the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and she has me smitten in ways unimaginable to me prior to meeting her.

Obviously though, since I'm writing you, things aren't right. I'm not sure we're technically even "together," since I can't get her to talk about her emotions at all. I know we're not friends, but I couldn't say we're dating/seeing each other regularly either. Every time I bring something about "us" up, whether it's to find out where we stand or to say I'm going out on a date with someone else, she either stares at me like I have a lobster sticking out of my ear or ignores me altogether. She is jealous of any female I show the slightest interest in, but at the same time, she never shares her feelings with me unless it is to get my attention if we're out and I'm working it on some other girl. She is so awesome that I keep putting up with this, since at this point I'm not ready to give up on her. All of her friends and all of my friends look at us and agree everything is there and can't figure out the inertia. Forward progress never happens.

So, the questions: if it is the case in your eyes that we're together, do I go balls to the wall and press forward, or do I go cold turkey and cut her off because she's entirely noncommittal? This has been going on for a while now (around nine months). If it were anyone else, I'd have lost interest a while ago, but I can't tell if I should be breaking up whatever it is you want to call our relationship. I guess it's possible I'm missing something on my end, but if that's the case I have no idea what it is.

--Jason

Dear Jason,

Nine months? This has gestated long enough. But no, don't cut bait before you fish. I think you've got to up and say something to her, other than "FYI, I'm going on a date with someone else." Or, "So what do you think our deal... oh, sorry, you didn't hear me, I've got a lobster in my ear." Persist. Sweetly but firmly. Tell her how you feel, and what you would need from her to keep feeling that way comfortably and forward-movingly. And tell her you'll take a non-response as a no. It's a risk, yes, but it's better than a rut, right?

Love,

Breakup Girl

 
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