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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am writing again (see Ally McBeal's roommate, and why I am a jerk to guys who like me) to ask questions to which I think most fourth graders (I am twenty-four) know the answer. See, there is this boy with whom I have been in love for about four years. He was behind me in school, but we were in the same circles and, BG, unlike the pretty, dumb things I've been dating since last we corresponded, he is brilliant. He wrote a play I was the lead in; he uses the conditional subjunctive correctly; and he is, well, to quote Andie MacDowell, a bad actress in a great movie, "lovely."

Anyway, I am notoriously bad at actually communicating with anyone what I feel. Also, he's kind of never been quite my type -- there's the whole smart thing, plus the younger thing, times the not a jerk in finance thing. And though I wrote in my journal the first time I met him (four years ago) that I wasn't sure how but that I knew he'd be in my life forever, I never felt any urgency to make things happen. So, nothing has ever really happened between us. I say "really" because we almost got together when I took him to a dance in college under a whole "Hey, I don't have a date and you're a boy" premise because, as I've said, I hate admitting to people that I like them. (I could have written a twelve page shoutout to the letter this week on how you know if someone likes you.) We had a great time, but kind of pussyfooted around each other all night. Then we were saying good night and a brief kiss on a street corner was, well, unbelievable, and he walked me home. In retrospect, I see he clearly did that to come home with me, but I'm not good at reading that kind of thing so it just ended, not that I wanted it to ... at all!

Fast forward two years. He's out of school. I saw him for the first time in months. I'm still in love with this kid, and I pulled a similarly bonehead move tonight. No kissing, but a "What are you doing now?" to his "Oh nothing, well I haven't eaten..." to my "Well, I'll go home and let you do that now" kind of thing. So my question is, can it ever be too late to express to someone that you are actually interested in them if you've never pulled it off in the past? Does the fact that nothing has ever happened reflect a lack of interest on his part and not just a lack of adequate socialization on my part? Is there a statute of limitations on a first move with someone that you've made 3/4 of a move with? Do all these weird Social Blunders mean that it's not meant to be, at least right now, anyway? Help.

--The Longest Time BG Groupie

Dear Groupie, (Thanks!)

First of all, if you can explain what the "conditional subjunctive" is, then you're way ahead of most fourth graders. And superheros. (Even Breakup Mom and Dad don't know, and that's, like, long story short, their job.)

Anyway, is it "too late?" Uh-uh! Nope. Your interactions with Mr. Right Verb Form may have started somewhere back in the pluperfect, but maybe the mood, as it were, just hasn't been quite right until now. Not necessarily a planets-aligning-cosmically kind of thing; maybe just a "we're not ready to deal what a big deal this could be yet" kind of thing. Especially if/when you're still busy getting the superficial ones out of your system. And, simply, being nervous has stopped (or delayed) a lot of people from doing a lot of things. The fact that nothing has magically automatically "happened" until now could reflect merely that. Any other fits and starts on his part could be attributed not so much to "lack of interest/socialization" but rather to "mixing of signals" on your part. Not your fault, mind you. Really.

And after all this time, and both those streetcorners, you're probably thinking, well, I can't do anything NOW (sort of the way one feels, if one hasn't returned someone's call, that with each day that passes you really can't do it). I say it's not too late. In fact, it's way too early to write this one off. Now, any pun I might make here with the word "conjugate" will somehow sound vaguely dirty, so I'll go corny instead: go ahead and make a declarative statement (verbal or physical), and I think you and this guy will be looking at a future perfect.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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