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Dear Breakup Girl,

First off I must begin by telling you you are my favorite super hero. That is why in my time of need I have chosen to go not to my mother but to you. In fact, mine is less of a break up question and more of a post-break up question.

I dated my ex girlfriend for a little over a year and a half and knew her for close to three. Our relationship was a roller coaster -- constant ups and downs -- but as it was my first serious relationship at 22 I stuck with it until she gave up.

When she finally did give up, I was crushed, broken and consulted your site weekly. To add insult to injury she "fell in love" again less than a month after we broke up. All of this hurt until finally I realized that she wasn't going to come back (despite what she said) and it was time for me to move on. I did so by cutting her out of my life completely (a feat made incredibly difficult because she is and will always be the Godmother of my nephew) and asked my family and friends to keep their news of her to themselves. Well, it worked and I have healed and continue to heal everyday.

My question, and I do have one, concerns moving on from her and beginning a new relationship. I have begun to talk to and have discussed dating a magnifcent, beautiful girl. The only problem with this wonderful new girl is that I met her through my ex. In fact they consider each other friends. However, my ex considered her a nuisance more than anything. Is it wrong for me to date this girl simply because she knows my ex? I intiated the contact after I was over the break up with my ex (which took 4 months) and my ex and I had made it clear that our time had passed and that she wished me happiness and love. They live in different cities and seldom talk. The new magnificent girl and I have talked about and agree that we should not tell my ex until things have become serious. So, Breakup Girl am I being a jerk and dating my ex's friend or do I have a right to date who I want? I assure you I did not do this with the intent to hurt or make my ex jealous. I have always found her friend attractive and like her as a person as well. Please help.

-- Anxious To Do The Right Thing

Dear Anxious,

Kiddo, if I had, say, a Hookup List, you'd be on it. I know I come down hard on people who date their exes friends/friends' exes, but that is when the switcheroo happens in (a) 24 hours, and (b) the wounded party's face. If you have cold feet and are scrambling for an out, well, you tell me. But I'd say from reading your letter that you are -- whether you realize it or not -- a top Healing Process Pro. Let's review: Your ex fell in love again. You may be scarred, but you are healed. You and your ex have an explicit treaty. Your ex lives in a different city from her "friend." Whom she considers a nuisance. You like a magnificent beautiful girl. Who thinks you're pretty marvy yourself. And whom you met through your ex. Which -- given the above circumstances -- falls into the realm of That's How People Meet People. Your Thing for her sounds Right to me. Okay?

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS Call your mother.

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