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Dear Breakup Girl,

I just broke up with my girlfriend. We had been seeing each other for about a year and a half, and living together for the past year. Ever since this past summer, the relationship began to go downhill. Recently, we sat down and agreed that the relationship just wasn't working. Although we still care for each other and don't rule out the possibility of getting back together in the future, we both know its time to move on for now.

My problem is this: Before we started dating, we were VERY good friends, inseparable. Now, she wants to "just be friends" again. The only thing is, we still live together, and have another year on our apartment lease before either one of us can move out. (Besides, trying to find a new apartment here in New York City at this point in my financial situation is not very likely) I've read many of the posts on the discussion boards and have come to the conclusion that I NEED to distance myself from her for a little while in order to give myself any chance of moving on. As of right now, I still have pretty strong feelings for her, but know that I can't hang on like some lonely puppy. Being friends at this point is much easier said than done.

But, to make matters worse, we not only live together, but we also WORK together as well. And, to make matters even more worse, she's taken interest in another guy who also works at the same company that we do. This makes it extra hard because he'll call her, then I'll answer, but then I have to face him the next day at work. It's all very strange and hard for me, but I'm trying my best to keep myself sane...but I don't know how long I'll be able to last.

I don't know if she doesn't have ANY feelings for me anymore, but it seems that she's having a much easier time moving on. Especially since she's got another guy's shoulder to cry on. As for me, it's not so easy. So much of our everyday life is tied together (home and work) that I don't see how I'll be able to distance myself from her and eventually re-establish our friendship. Please help...

-- KC

Dear KC,

Okay, if I had an Emergency Breakup Apartment Swap List, you would be on it. Anyone in NYC? Anyone? Point is, if you cannot get out of your lease -- and believe you me I understand about New York -- you are going to have to get creative. Because yes, you do have to: get out. In the meantime, maybe make a rule that if you will always take out the trash, she will always get the phone. Will make for slightly diminished awkwardness at the office.

Speaking of which. A Job Swap List, however, would be much harder, I think. So let me try another tack on that one, one that may at least help de-prickly things by putting them in perspective. You say "it seems that she is having a much easier time moving on." Maybe. But I would amend that to say: "She is having a much easier time making it seem that she is having a much easier time moving on." You say she's got Bob from Accounting's "shoulder to cry on. Maybe. But it won't last. You won't find lots of men placing personals that say "Me: good job, nice laugh, big shoulder to cry on. You: blue eyes, brown hair, not over ex." Trust me on that, and go read the classifieds instead.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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