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Dear Breakup Girl,

My husband and I were engaged Valentine's Day, 1998. We were married in September. We dated for quite sometime before marrying, nearly 7 years.

It scares me, but I think our marriage is headed for an end soon. For sometime now, I haven't found myself attracted to him. It's been like this for a while now, even before our marriage. There were signs of problems years ago, but I just didn't want to acknowledge them... it's so easy to let things be. And once we got engaged, I got caught up in the whirlwind of wedding planning.

Recently, I've found myself attracted to a coworker. I haven't done anything about it, but I'm growing increasingly tempted. I know it's wrong. I don't know what to do now. I've never been unfaithful before. Help.

-- E

Dear E,

Eeeeee! Did Dr. Glass interview you? Because in her interview (see above), she says -- well, brace yourself, I'll just give you the whole deal -- that infidelity is "potentially more threatening to the marriage when it happens earlier, and the chances of the marriage surviving are less, particularly where the woman is having an affair. [What's going on is that] she's growing and changing, and she chooses somebody she sees as more similar to herself. Usually it's someone at work...."

So, E. Take this urge as one of those "warning" heart attacks. Not enough to kill you, enough to make you pass on the Twinkies and reconsider your lifestyle. Got that? Pass on the Twinkies. You will take better care of your heart -- and of this marriage, even if "care" means ending it carefully -- than you will if you go back to your pattern of "letting things be." Or if you get caught up in a greasy golden whirlwind. Be strong.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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