< PREVIOUS   ||   PREDICAMENT OF THE WEEK >
 

Look, indeed, at what happened to the Internet. Could those Prodigistas ever have predicted the pornucopia that the 'net would become? Cyberorn's hardly a new genre -- heck, I'm sure even Gutenberg and his ilk threw some couples into chaos -- but the sheer speed, quantity, and elimination of brown-paper packaging (or going to the "other" store) have once again caused a sex-industrial revolution.

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend, who is 46, spends his free time viewing soft to hard core porn on the Internet. Mostly of young "women." Teens are his favorite subject matter. No child pornography, which I wouldn't tolerate. More and more, I find I am uncomfortable with knowing he "needs" these pictures for pleasure. I keep thinking about going to a certain ex-boyfriend to have my sexual needs fulfilled, the real way. I have been in contact with him, but I can't make that decision because a little voice called my conscience keeps saying no.

I like sex as much as the next person. I guess I want to be cherished by my significant other as much as the next person does. This old boyfriend wants to meet. He might be a better match for me, especially since he is more of a kids-man; he actually engaged with my children when we dating. My current boyfriend is stoic about children, not animated. Pragmatic and stubborn. Any thoughts? Maybe I am asking for permission to go have sex ... foolish of me at 41. I certainly wouldn't call my mother.

--Heidi

Dear Heidi,

Wow, yeah! Bet his hobby makes you feel really [traditionally] appealing: young, pre-mom, hot!

BG, much like NOW, has historically not taken a simple pro- or con-porn stance. But I will issue a statement when, in a relationship, [cyber]porn morphs from a, um, hobby into a hindrance. Your partner’s gone superbowlXXXing solo and (not so?) on the sly, your "needs" get left out; you — even with your bonus third dimension — feel inferior. I'm unclear how much you've discussed this, but if he's unwilling to hear your concerns and strike some balance ... well, he may know how to download, but not how to have a relationship. Porn=bad? Cheating? Whatever. Problem? Yes. That's where this really does get "barely legal." So no wonder you "need" mental pictures of your old boyfriend for pleasure. But -- right -- before you act on that, fix or close this door first. See how willing your boyfriend would be to diversify his free-time pursuits, to cherish -- and pleasure -- the grown woman right next to him. But know when it might be time to seek out -- whether in your old flame or not -- the other kind of kids' man.

Love,
Breakup Girl

So guys? Use the ‘net to meet and greet, not to cheat. It’s not "okay" just because your hourly rates are going to AOL, not a motel; use the Internet to bend the rules of punctuation, not honor and respect.

Additional resources:
OSA home page
"Picking up the Pieces After an Affair"

< PREVIOUS   ||   PREDICAMENT OF THE WEEK >