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SHOUTOUTS

To Inger from Anonymous:

He's the cowardly type, so instead he's dropping you all kinds of hints, hoping you'll do the dirty work and break up with him. Sulkiness, tackily agreeing with a sleazy comment about a coworker's great body, that cryptic little, "that's the least of your problems." This guy likes/is seeing someone else – probably that coworker. Lose this loser!

To Double Standard from Leslie:

I am definitely in touch with my Green Eyed Monster, and here's one thing that helps me sometimes. When I feel jealous about my boyfriend's former flames, I remember how unimportant my former flames are to me now, even the ones I deeply loved and thought I would marry. I intentionally imagine myself back when I was totally in love with a former partner and then I examine how little it has to do with how I feel about my sweetheart now. When I realize that it's possible for me to have been really in love with someone else in the past but that it in no way diminishes how I feel about my boyfriend now, somehow I feel better about his past. Same goes for one-night-stands: when I remember that I have had them in the past and that it actually enhances my appreciation for my boyfriend now, then I can put some of those demons to rest. Don't forget that you are coming to the relationship with a past too, and it doesn't mean anything less about how much you love your fiancé; it shines through in every word! Why should he be different?

To Village Idiot from Morgan:

Your story is sooooooooooooo exactly like mine; I just want to let you know that you have to tell her that her flightiness is painful to you and that she needs to find someone else's head to mess with. This will show her that you have way too much respect for yourself and your own feelings to let this continue. She will either realize you're not going to let her use you anymore and move to the next sucker OR respect you for your commitment to yourself.

To BG from Worn Out Girl:

Thanks! Just a note to thank you for putting my letter first, after the column on Bridget Jones! I have often felt like I AM Bridget Jones (albeit the Midwestern American one–and NOT the R. Zellweger version), so I was just thrilled. And your advice was good, too. I've been chewed by Alsatians for several weeks. Now I've graduated to the cleaning apartment/painting apartment/redecorating apartment stage – "Ha! He's never put his feet on THIS new coffee table!" – which I highly recommend to your readers. I am doing very well. Incidentally, I missed my letter at first because I was on a business trip last week in Seattle. Further proof that my life is exciting! Thanks again for a valuable service!

To BG re: Isabel from Sunclytie:

Just wanted to let you know that ordinarily your advice is fantastic, but your comment to Isabel about her boyfriend doing nothing to dispel the myth of Jews wanting to marry Jews as part of a checklist is a low blow. I myself am Jewish and many friends and relatives of mine have agonized over this issue. I've never dated a Jew, and I've agonized over the issue. What with the heritage of persecution (not the least the near-annhilation of Jews in Europe) and the increasing assimilation of Jews in the US, I feel a definite impulse to marry a Jew to perpetuate Judaism. It's not a commandment; it's a desire to continue my cultural heritage and identity. That said, however, I think Isabel's boyfriend is being a real git about introducing her to the religion. Nothing has been more pleasurable to me than bringing my boyfriends to Seder and to services and watching their faces as I answer, "Do I have to wear a beanie too?" in the affirmative. It's a wonderful experience to share my culture and religion, and I'm sorry Isabel hasn't received that pleasure. But don't let Isabel's poor man define an entire population. He probably just didn't eat enough gefilte fish as a child of Jews in America.

BG responds: Eeek! Wait! Whoa, Nellie! You must have missed the key word here. I said the "MYTH" of Jews wanting to marry Jews as part of some sort of on-paper-is-good-enough "checklist." Myth. Myth myth myth. I am not saying that is actually true of Jews; au contraire! I hate it when people think that! Let me restate: He is being a git; his apparent lack of interest in actually sharing his culture and making her conversion meaningful is not helping dispel what I said is a misconception about Jews. But thankfully, your Shoutout did.

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