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April 6, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

I don't think that anyone in this whole entire universe could understand how I feel right now. You see, I'm 14, and there's is this boy I'm so in love with. (We'll call him Z.) I've liked him ever since he moved here seven months ago. Then he started going out with this other girl, who I'm sorta friends with.

Oh Breakup Girl! My heart is so broken. I cry myself to sleep every single night. I'm the only one in my whole group of friends without a boyfriend? What's wrong with me? I can't be that bad! I swear, if those boys just gave me a CHANCE, I could be the best girlfriend. Nothing works. My heart is so big and loving, yet no one loves me. I'm so lonely.

As for Z, well, I really can't get over this. When I asked him out in the beginning of the year he said no because he didn't know me that well. But he didn't know the girl he's going out with now AT ALL! It's not fair. I truly LOVE him, with all my little shattered heart, I love him. I can hardly sleep, eat, or anything. I would do anything...anything for him to just love me. I know it sounds crazy, but we were meant to be. I saw them hug and I went bawling. It kills me. )=

Please help me. I don't even love myself, all I do is pretend...pretend to be happy. I'm glad me and Z are friends, but I love him. I don't know what to do....I wish I could just tell him, but then his girlfriend would be soo mad at me. I'm so nice -- i swear, I could really love him....if I just got a chance-- ya know?

Why does no one give me chance? Why should I have to be so lonely? What should I do? It's so hard to face him. I just wish he could love me the way I love him.

-- Big Heart

Dear Heart,

Oh oh oh oh!!!!!! You poor thing. Believe me, BG understands. I think we all do. Right, everyone? We all have, or have had, a Z in our lives. Or, more to the point, not in our lives. Which SUCKS.

But you can deal, and Breakup Girl will tell you how.
1. I know you and Z are buds, but try and see if you can avoid him for a while. Not in a huffy, uppity way; just don't be around when /where he is. Seeing him -- especially with Hell Troll, I mean Her -- right now is like (forgive the gross image) picking the scab. Delaying the healing.
2. Remind yourself that you're being a good friend and a good person (Shut up, Breakup Girl, I want a BOYFRIEND! I know, I know, bear with me). Not saying anything to him is a good call. Tons of people write to me about how they went ahead and blabbed their feelings to someone taken and are in worse hell than they were before.
3. Consider this: while you love Z more than Leonardo himself, not having him is not the only thing that's bothering you. It's also that you're the lone wolverina while all your friends have hotties on a leash. This also suuuuuuucks. (And once again, believe me, BG understands.) But here's the vicious circle that you're in: when you're blue about lack of Z -- and exhausted due to lack of ZZZZs -- let's face it, you're not at your big-hearted best. People can tell something's weighing you down. It's not you who's unappealing; it's your current -- and temporary -- piney, bawly, hungry vibe. So then no one asks you out; then you get bluer. And so on.

So -- and this is, like, the cheesiest thing BG has ever said, but you started it -- you DO have to love yourself first. I swear. And guess what: you already do. You didn't write me to say, "Boys don't like me because I'm a loser." You wrote me to say, "My heart is big and loving ..I could be the best girlfriend...and yet no boy is interested?! WHASSUP WITH THAT!??!?!" Stay fierce, not frantic, and they'll be lining up, A through ...well...Y.

Breakup Girl



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