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Dear Breakup Girl,

Last New Years' Week, I messed up, and I'm at the end of my rope. I don't have any clue what I should do or where I should go... you were the best choice.

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. For the last few months, my boyfriend and I had put our relationship on hold, while he was out of state on business/education. We both had a few little flings on the side, but nothing too major, or at least not on my part. He came back, and didn't call me for a while, so I just decided to let it be, and let whatever happened happen. I like him a lot, but I refuse to put my life on hold for him, simply because he's become fickle. A few weeks later he calls, and I, being so incredibly unable to resist him, agree to see him again.

Meanwhile, my best guy friend, whom I tell everything to, is telling me "NO NO don't do it!!" At the same time though, he also reveals he has feelings for me... to which I quite bluntly reply that there is never a possibility... no use leading him on in my opinion. So I decide to see my boyfriend, who I'll refer to as the Boyfriend, while the best guy friend will be called the Friend.

The Boyfriend and I end up drunk and in the middle of a hot makeout session in the back seat of his car, when I have second thoughts about maybe getting involved with him again, especially after having almost written him off. He takes me home, end of story.

Next day... New Year's Eve's Eve... I go out with the Friend and another Guy, who I have liked for a while. The 3 of us go back to the Friend's house, where we have a few drinks and a movie fest. The Friend leaves on an errand, and the Guy-- who is also a friend, though we have been flirting for a while now-- the Guy and I end up having sex on the Friend's couch. The Friend walks in on us, and then promptly leaves again, mad at both of us. We feel guilty so we stop, and things become extremely awkward between us for the entire night, so I end up going home and relaxing... being with both of them is too stressful.

Flash forward to the next day, New Year's Eve. The Guy is off with other people, and the Friend and I go out, party hopping, and having fun. I meet Guy#4... we end up sort of ditching the Friend and going and making out. The Friend, who was pissed enough before, is extremely pissed now, and when I call the next day, he barely even talks to me. We somehow end up going out to dinner, but he gives me the pissed silent treatment, so I go home... I still have a hangover anyway.

Two days later... Guy#4 calls and asks if I want to do something... for lack of anything better to do, I go over to his house, and we end up almost sleeping together, but because he has to be somewhere, it doesn't end up happening. Fine with me, because I suddenly am so UNattracted to him.

I see the Boyfriend later in the day, and he won't even speak to me... and apparently neither will the Guy or the Friend... but Guy#4 keeps calling... constantly... I finally told him I wasn't into it.

Then yesterday, I decide to call everyone, with the exception of Guy #4, and the Boyfriend and the Friend end up snapping at me and basically hanging up on me. The Guy talks for a while, but it's very awkward, and neither one of us really mentions the fact that we had sex, even though we are both over it now that the tension between us is gone. Through another mutual friend, I learn that it meant nothing to him... and it meant only slightly more to me. But it doesn't change the fact to him, that I made out with another guy (Guy#4) while he happened to be around ( as it turns out, hanging with the Friend... and possibly the Boyfriend too... though I'm not sure of this) -- I didn't find out about that until later.

So now that I've managed to piss everyone around me off, what's the best way to patch things up to any sort of a friendship between any of us. Guy #4 is gone... out of the picture. As for the rest of them though, I don't even know.

To make matters even worse... I've just recently met another guy, who holds possible interest -- both me for him and him for me. He doesn't know any of this drama, and I don't really want to include him in it, neither of us deserves it. This whole matter is dragging me down, and I feel like I'm moping around... but the only person I've told about any of this is my other best friend... and she refuses to comment. How can I make this work? Please help!!!

-- Stressed & Depressed in Confusion

Dear SDC,

Okay. I am about to sound like your roommate and steer clear of telling you how to fix this. Calling and apologizing and cajoling will at this point read like you're Trying to Get People to Like You, which, I think, is what led to all of this in the first place. So I really can't think of much except: Apologize, sure, to whoever deserves it, but nothing grandiose. Hold your head high and don't let it happen again.

Now I am about to sound like Gidget, but whatever happened to ... dating? When boys and girls went to sundae parlors, not ... couches? I know that a lot of that's changed in, like, society, but I also have this hunch that there's little room for that kind of thing in your life. Do you feel, SDC, that you don't have enough to say to a guy to carry, like, a dinner date? Do you feel like he'll like you only if you put out? It's like, you're worried that people won't like or appreciate you, and then you make sure they don't by doing the only thing you think they'll like about you ... with all of them. Hmm. Voila: they hate you. Why, SDC? What's going on? What's missing in your life, your heart, your self-esteem? Think about it. I'm not busting you for being reckless with, like, "virtue," I'm busting you for being reckless with feelings -- other people's and yours. Patch up the past by considering these questions for the future.

So if you're into this guy, fine. Go to the picture show. Let him kiss you on your porch, and then say good night. See him again, if you like, but stay in the front seat 'til at least date #3 -- and even then, kiddo, keep it clean. Give him a chance to get to know you; give previous Guys #1 - X a chance to see you've chilled. Otherwise, SDC, you are about to sound like someone very, very lonely.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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