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Dear Breakup Girl,

This guy and I had been seeing each other for 6 months and had a really sweet relationship. We stayed up countless hours at night just totally wrapped up in ourselves, talking about anything at all, loving it all. And on a class overnight field trip, I broke my ankle while hiking and instead of going to the campfire that night and roasting marshmallows with our friends, he stayed with me in the nurse's cabin and we cuddled all night long.

Like I said, totally in love. Then one day, I went to school and had a really bad day. I woke up with the flu, had just started my period, threw out my back (and almost broke my ankle again) by running in my track event (hurdles), and also fell the night before.

Well, I waited for him in our usual waiting place at school, and when he hugged me and kissed my neck, I flinched hard as he touched my bruises. I explained my ordeal to him (yes everything), and he agreed to stay back. (I didn't want him to get sick.) I stayed most of the day with my loving friends and also in the bathroom bent over the toilet. As I was walking to 8th period, relieved that I would be going home and could talk to my guy at a safe non-germ distance, he walked up to me, gave me a hug and a note, and walked away. I grinned happily until I read the letter. And I quote: "I don't know how to say this but, this ignoring me and hanging with your friends and avoiding me today is bulls*it and dumb. If there is something wrong, tell me, but avoiding me is stupid. What I'm trying to say is, I'm breaking up with you. It isn't you, it's me. I was probably a bad BF anyway."

I was devastated and dropped to my aching knees and cried until I had no more tears. In fact I still cry myself to sleep. But only after I tell you this part.

Within the HOUR, he asks one of my closest friends, Sam, out, and she says yes without thinking twice. In front of me. I cried harder after what she's been telling me for the past 6 months, and when I first saw him. "You think he's cute? Yuck, I would never go out with him!" and "You know, you two would make a cute couple. Despite what you say, I have no interest whatsoever in him! He's all yours, chica!"

She still calls me up and is still going out with him. And it kills me because she thinks our friendship is still the same when it isn't. I can't trust her anymore. Later, she finally admitted to loving him the whole time I was dating him. I loved her dearly as a friend, and she threw it all away by lying in my face for months. But I'm too nice of a person to tell her how I feel because of what she's doing to me, and she's acting like nothing happened. I really and desperately need advice on how to get over my BF and what to do about my "friend". I just don't understand.

--Fox

Dear Fox,

First, just a tip for dumpers? Contriving a ridiculous, offensive reason to break up with someone and invoking it in such a way -- and during a time of the month -- that they'll hate you and, like, "get over you faster" is a big BG Don't. Also, it doesn't work: they hate you AND they don't get over you. (Trust me: cultivate indifference.)

Anyway, Fox, I'm so sorry -- and angry -- to hear about this miserable two-fer. Seems to me, given what I just said above, that your ex was casting about for an out, searching for some girl germs under a cloudy microscope -- just so he could, quick , wash his hands and hit on your friend.

And about her: Bad. When you go through a breakup, your friends are supposed to rush to bring you the Cosmo quiz and some power tools, not the news that they're dating your ex. Then there's this whole "acting like nothing happened" business: more than Bad.

What to do? "Nice," schmice. You're a runner, not a swimmer; I know you want to keep your dignity and not be the scorned woman who screeches "You boyfriend-stealing whore!" and has a fight in a pool. Fine. But if you don't want to hang out with -- or heck, even take calls from -- someone so inconsiderate of your feelings, you don't have to. You are completely entitled to tell her, "You know, I'm having a hard time hearing this and being friends with you right now." Be nice to you.

Still, this doesn't directly address all the betrayal, all the "you're not who I thought you weres" here. I know, I know, I know. This may be your biggest hurdle yet; you may flinch for a good while; you really did get burned. Suddenly, like a campfire marshmallow ... which means there's still that gooey sweet goodness inside. Look for it in others. You said "loving friends," plural. Run to them.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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