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Dear Breakup Girl,

I've been with this smart, handsome, sensible male for two months now -- and it's terrifying. I mean, he is so perfect and I'm not saying that out of naivete; he just gets it. He is always in control and always seems to know what to do in any situation -- that scares the crap out of me, frankly. Why? Because I am the complete opposite; I'm shy and always feel overwhelmed.

I am ashamed to ask him point blank what exactly makes him want to be with me, but it's an enigma to me. I am such a wuss that I'm ready to break up, because I know I'm not perfect and that I'm going to fail him.

He is a freshmen in college, and I'm a senior in high school. He tutors me, pumps me up, and he builds me up to a point that I don't allow myself to appear vulnerable -- and I can't take it. I want to mess up sometimes, I want to lose myself in a wild argument. I really care for him, though, and I want to continue our relationship because I know I am lucky to have found someone like him.

This is my first romantic relationship of any kind; aren't they supposed to be painful and silly? Meanwhile, I find myself considering all the temptations, and all the opportunities to mess this relationship up (cute guy in Spanish class making eyes at me; older musician friend who is really becoming 'chummy' with me). What's worse, my boyfriend thinks I can do no wrong. He's told me so -- I can't stand it.

Once, I tried talking to him about my faults, but he wouldn't have any of it. He'd just kiss me and tell me I was silly. When I kept insisting, he just took me by the shoulders and gave me this exciting hard-ass stare that made me melt. So you see, this is quite comical. My friends want to slap me, and I'm sure you do, too. But I can't help myself in thinking I better end it now rather than crash and burn big time later on. Now, if he wasn't so darn good-looking and great, I could probably do that but as it is...

-- Marlene

Dear Marlene,

Ooooh, everyone loves a good multitasker. As our own Belleruth points out, he is "Mom, Coach, and Prince Charming all rolled into one. You are no doubt quite an appealing toots on your own, but this dynamic must offer him plenty of appeal as well. He takes care of you. He bucks you up and tutors you and guides you and mentors you. Which in turn bucks up his own self-esteem. If this is so, you are doing plenty for him...making him feel needed, essential, generous, kind, and heroic.

And yes, if you think he's perfect, you don't know him 100% yet, is all. Give it a while longer, and if you're open to getting to see who he is as a full and fallible -- yet still wonderful -- person, he'll stop being so terrifyingly perfect.

Especially since this is your first relationship, clearly you're so freaked out about screwing it up that you're perversely fantasizing about screwing it up...just to end the suspense already! (Either that, or you're just noticing for the first time what can't-have guys look like through your brand new Taken Goggles. -- BG)

So: Put a lid on the sabotage; at least keep it to yourself. Treat this as an awesome and delicious learning experience, which it will be no matter what. Trust that you're only as imperfect as he is. Either you're a lot more deserving than you think, or he's enamored of his one-up position -- a compulsive caretaker or a guy with his own self-esteem issues, and therefore less than perfect himself. Either way, you wouldn't be the first person in the world to underestimate your own charms...".

Also, does he have hourly rates?

Love,
Belleruth and BG

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