I realize that boxing fans do not necessarily have to be connoisseurs of classic television, but I was royally disappointed at the lack of "Odd Couple" jokes during Saturday's match-up between Oscar De La Hoya and Felix Trinidad (which sounds like a drag queen name, if you ask me) (especially if you play that drag-queen-name-making game: name of your first pet plus your birthplace, or something like that). Have we all forgotten the comic genius of Tony Randall so quickly?

These kinds of events attract thousands of celebrities for some odd reason, and the Mandalay Bay Casino in Las Vegas, home of the boxing event, was filled with them. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones were there, and as I'm very willing to bet Cathy does not care a fling for boxing, her presence proves she really is in love. You know, there for support and all that. Hell, I'd do it. Not for Michael, but I'd do it. Scattered throughout the posh, booze-stocked viewing booths were such stars as Ben Affleck, Omar Epps, Michael Keaton, Bridget Fonda, Edward Norton and Brad Pitt without his girlfriend, The Hairstyle. There were also two new couples, whom I'll discuss shortly: Jack Nicholson and Lara Flynn Boyle and Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf.

Also in Las Vegas for the big match-up was Leonardo DiCaprio, but he was too busy at the blackjack tables, concealed behind a baseball cap and stacks of $100 chips to notice a fight was going on. That's my boy!

Lara Flynn Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Ms. Boyle and the Jack made officially came out as Hollywood's latest gross couple at last weekend's Emmy Awards ceremony. Of course, G-Spot readers who remember a certain car accident involving Nicholson and a "mysterious female" have known this for months! In truth, I'm horribly grossed out by yet another ravishingly gorgeous -- though admittedly faaaar too toothpicky -- young actress pairing up with some sagging "classic" actor, the public enactment of some sick sexual powerplay. As Boyle was at the awards because of her Supporting Actress nomination for her phenomenal work on "The Practice," I can't imagine she's very hard up. As for Jack, you've still got it all right. Now, give it back!

I know the Emmys are old news now, but I have a declaration to make: if I see Helen Hunt win one more award, I will hurl myself from the rooftop of the Howard Johnson's into the oncoming traffic below. I'm mad about you, darling, mad about you!

Tennis, Anyone?

Meanwhile, Agassi and Graf decided to use the Oscar-Felix boxing debacle as a launch pad for their own public match. Agassi, of course, has left memories of Brooke Shields well behind, and Graf, well, I don't know anything about her past affairs, though I know from watching her play that she's never had to settle for love. Get it, love? Bwaa-haa-haa! They were seen eating together and being all intimate earlier in the week in the West Village, but have finally made their pairing known. I pretty much frown at inter-office dating, but as Graf has decided to give up tennis, I'm sure they'll rarely see each other at various Opens and Invitationals and what-nots.

The Theory Of Fight Club

Boxing match spectators Pitt and Norton missed the real fight had by their "Fight Club" costar Helena Bonham Carter, who this weekend quietly broke up with her beau of four years Kenneth Branagh. No reason was given for the breakup, but I've been sceptical of this whole thing all along. We know that Branagh likes bodice-babes and he was getting over Emma Thompson when Helena arrived. This pairing had a ticker on it from the beginning! Maybe Ken started doing that cheesy Woody Allen impersonation he uses in "Celebrity" at home, and she just couldn't take it anymore. Anyhoo, any guesses who will be next in line for Branagh? Based on the credentials of his past choices, there's a 95% chance he'll start dating Minnie Driver, a 75% chance he'll start dating Emily Watson, and a 50% chance he'll start dating Rupert Everett.

Blind Item

Which Betty Boopish Broadway star was spotted in a Manhattan movie theater last Saturday not watching American Beauty ... but rather making out with someone half her age?

My Most Asked Questions

Amid the scores of inquiries and tidbits dropped by loyal readers, I constantly get several questions that have been answered in previous columns. To save you all some time, here's a quicklist of gossip items. Clip them out and put them on your refrigerator for easy access!

• Is Calista Flockhart anorexic? This question is older than the hills, and the answer is still no. But I never said she couldn't use a healthy helping of Breakup Mom's noodle kugel.
• Is Jennifer Anistron anorexic? No. But Matthew Perry was.
• Is Gwyneth Paltrow anorexic? Dear God, no, though we all know that pink dress just didn't fit right. Can't a person just be skinny these days? Nobody thought Audrey Hepburn was anorexic!
• Is Sarah Michelle Gellar a b*tch? A royal one, thank goodness! Who'd be interested is she weren't?
• Are Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz "doing the dirty"? No. But I wish!
• Is David Boreanaz not the cutest? He is, he is! Breakup Girl even called this one in a Time Out article waaaay before he was such a big pin on the star map. even called this one
• Did Ryan Phillippe sleep his way to the top? I mean, the middle? No, he used to be a good actor. Somewhere between his soap opera days and his film debut, he must have fallen on his head!
• Did Britney Spears get breast implants? A foregone conclusion by now. A more interesting scoop would be that Jewel or Sarah McLachlan had gotten implants. When you're as processed and fake-sounding as Spears in the first place, isn't the question of surgical enhancement beside the point?
• Is Ricky Martin gay? Hell yes.
• Is Vivian Vance dead? A thousand times, YES!
• Is Ben Affleck gay? Let me put it this way -- he's doing a horrible job of being straight.
• Are Ben Affleck and Matt Damon lovers? No. Absolutely not. Not anymore.
• Is Tom Cruise gay? God, who cares?
• Are the Backstreet Boys and N Sync gay? No. They just act like it.
• Did George W. Bush do cocaine? Of course. Frankly, what's the big deal? I want a president who's alert. (Not that I want George W. Bush for president, mind you.) Was he selling it to children? Did he murder members of his "posse" to obtain it? Have his nostrils collapsed? Call me when this gets interesting!

Karma Coincidence

At an exclusive party at the Roxy, a friend confided her latest East Village star sighting. While hunting for vintage clothes, my spy did eye former pop star Boy George rummaging about the high priced clothing bins, hair pulled back with a bit of make-up but otherwise well-put together. Of course I could barely listen to my friend's story for just three feet away behind her, oddly enough, stood that other 80s androgynous icon, Marc Almond from Soft Cell, just chatting away like a little pixie. What a retro coincidence! Where did our love go?

G Spotted

On asking where your G-Spot is -- and I didn't mean that literally, of course -- I received two particularly amusing responses: "The G-Spot ... something the local guys can never find?"

I'm assuming from your conditional adjective on guys that guys "not from around here" can find the G-spot every time? May I assume this?

"I recently found the 'g-spot' within my live-in boyfriend. It's great! Please inform your readers on where it's located within the male, and how they can achieve orgasm that way!"

You found your live-in boyfriend's secret gossip column? Honey, I'll tell you where a man's g-spot can be found. EVERYWHERE! A man stubs his toe and he's aroused. What you must have found was his "Baywatch is on in ten minutes, so I better hurry up"-Spot. Easily confused!

Since Garth Brooks is now a pop singer named Chris Gaines, next week I, Gregoire, shall assume the role of Garth Brooks. Of course, I can never hope to be as entertaining as Mr. Brooks -- I mean, I've never been voted CMA Entertainer of the Year.... yet -- but I will give it a downhome go. Yee-haa!

Until the real premium boxing event of the century -- Tony Randall and Jack Klugman,
Gregoire

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