Boyle-d About Ford Rumors

From one kooky May-December match to another! Despite what you may have heard, "Practice" toothpick Lara Flynn Boyle has not dumped Jack Nicholson for Harrison Ford (which would have been a major trade-up if you ask me). After Harry announced last week that he was separating from his wife of 17 years, rumors quickly turned to Lara -- who's been on the rocks with Jack for awhile -- claiming that she hops from one megastar to another as easily as Indiana Jones hops from one moving train car to the next.

But faster than you can say golddigger, Lara corrects this scandalous charge in the latest issue of Us Magazine, calling the whole thing "poppycock." She claims she only sat by the hunky "What Lies Beneath" star for five minutes at a party, enough time for a flashbulb to capture the brief meeting and blow it out of proportion. Frankly, that's too bad; with Affleck with Carrie Fisher and she with Ford, all we'd need is to have Christina Ricci making out with Mark Hamill to have a truly celestial "Star Wars" flashback! Just to prove that she and Jack are still together, she offers the magazine this horrifying image: "Imagine waking up with someone and you're in that spooning, cuddly mode. No one's spoken. You take the chance of saying that first sweet nothing. And as you take that first breath and utter maybe one syllable, the person turns to you and says 'Not yet.' I think that's sexy." I think that's grotesque!

SEEN!

You don't have to be in a major city to have a major star interaction. My dear friend Trenton relayed this tale involving his family in Bowling Green, Mo. (That's right. Not only am I a descendant of poor white trash, but so are most of my friends!) Seems his clan was giving away an excess of sweet, little puppies, so they put an ad in the small town paper. Somehow the advertisement got itself into the hands of Fred Durst, lead singer of Limp Bizkit, who was swinging through St. Louis on a tour. Fred, of course, wanted a puppy and gave my friend's sister and her friends front row seats to the show in exchange for one of the animals. The Missouri folks got the better end of the deal, however, because after awarding the family the coveted tickets, Durst decided he didn't want the dog after all. And that's how you score free tickets, my friends! With the puppies unwanted, the family proceeded with the original plan: they put the dogs in a burlap sack, tied it to a rock, and hurled it into the nearby creek!

In New York's epicenter of retail activity (read: the Chelsea Bed, Bath and Beyond), my spy noticed "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" and "Becker" beauty Terry Ferrell, sniffing around for some household items. She wore sunglasses and a baseball cap, standard issue for any star not wanted to be noticed (but, of course, making them all-the-more noticeable). Once forced to wear embarrassing face paint on "Star Trek," Terry now sports a complexion less than intergalactic.

And from some spies far and wide, some first person reports...

"Gregoire, while at Terminal One at JFK airport a week ago to pick up my beloved, I spied Pamela Anderson and her breasts coming out of customs. She seemed very friendly to the airport staff and had a woman with her who looked like she should fall over from being too top heavy with nothing on the bottom to balance her out. Pammy was wearing no make-up (gasp!) and did look a tad plastic -- shocker." -- Dzeitlen

She looked plastic without make-up? You mean that clown paint she wears on "VIP" is only enhancing her already non-organic glow?

"Gregoire, I met Gervase [Petersen], of Survivor fame, in the lobby of my hotel in Atlanta last weekend. He was charming (as described on TV), friendly, and held up nicely against the barrage of stupid Survivor questions my friends and I bombarded him with. He also posed for several pictures. Now that I've met him, I wish he had been the grand prize winner on Survivor." --Vikki the Atlanta Tourist

Darling, it sounds like dear Gervase is doing a whole lot better than fellow loser Sean Kenniff. The dumb-as-a-box-of-syringes doctor-turned-gadabout was cozying up to his VIP table at Studio 54 with an entourage when he was asked by the management if he could move to another (read: less-VIP) table on the side. The reason: New York Yankee David Cone and pals wanted his table. Booted for a ballplayer? Sean, your transmission is fading out, I can't hear you, Sean, Sean...

"Gregoire, I was walking down Columbus Ave. when lo and behold, between 64th and 65th, whom do we pass but Mr. Harrison Ford! My first $25 million dollar man sighting. Looking tweedy and cold, that semi- distracted, semi-urgent look on his face -- Tommy Lee Jones on his tail, or Michelle Pfeiffer rising up, or something. Wheee!" -- Greg

That "semi-distracted, semi-urgent" look was Ford thinking, "Gee, I don't remember sleeping with Lara Flynn Boyle." Funny you should see Harry at Columbus and 64th. That is exactly where I saw Liam Neeson, almost one year ago to the day. He also looked "semi-distracted, semi-urgent." Maybe the Upper West Side is a dour place to be if you're a megastar!

And finally, from the Too Much Information files.....

Billy Bob Thornton proudly reveals on the Internet Movie Database that he frequently wears his bride Angelina Jolie's underwear, even on the set of his films. When he wears them to the gym, he says he gets odd looks from people who notice his particularly odd pantylines. "I don't think it's strange at all," he concludes. I will never, ever look at this man the same way again. Oh, and by the way, those puppies from the Limp Bizkit item were not really hurled into the creek. But it sounds so "Little House On The Prairie" tragic, no?

Until Billy Bob Thornton demands a recount of his brain cells,

Gregoire

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