Tactful Tips for Lustful Lips
or, You Must Remember This, a Kiss is Just a... Mmmffff!
by Jillian Perlberger
Singles, stop worrying, for a moment, about whether you'll ever find The
One. (You will, if the Big To Do has anything to say about it.) Couples,
lay aside your angst about whether you'll solve that pesky relationship problem.
(You will, if Breakup Girl has anything to say about it.)
discuss what comes between Searching for Him/Her and Dealing with Him/Her. That's
right. We're taking about those all-too-fleeting moments you spend impersonating
Bandit. It's that period when you don't know yet if this is going anywhere,
you're just... doing chemistry experiments. As in: is there any?
And if there is, boy howdy! Nothing really tops a great first
make-out session, does it? Even if it's the last! Herewith, a guide to the
underrated art, the under-discussed techniques, the under-appreciated joys of
Kissyface. Tonsil Hockey. The Swapping of Spit. You get the idea. Without further
ado: the official BTD Kissing Handbook!
The Virtues of Casual Snogging
Say you're between relationships and, for whatever reason, wary of wearing
that old heart on the sleeve. But, being the considerate (or simply VD-phobic)
person that you are, casual sex isn't quite what you're after. How do you get
that warm, delicious feeling physical intimacy can give without dragging in
any messy emotions? Why, the casual kiss with a random hottie, of course!
I cannot recommend this time-tested pick-me-up highly enough. In many European
countries, it is practiced
with abandon. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that everyone there
lives with their parents till they're married and hence lacks access to the
proverbial room (as in "Hey! Get a room!").
But kissing someone you just met in a bar, in front of all the friends you
came with, is quite common and acceptable on the Continent. No strings attached,
no assumptions that numbers or even names will be exchanged. Just innocent kissin'!
I lived in Madrid for a while and found nursing a recent heartbreak surprisingly
easy once I overcame my Emily Post-esque inhibitions and learned to "do as the
Romans do." Or the Spanish, as the case may be.
Stateside, your sense of etiquette may constrain you from acting with such
abandon. I propose an alternative: consider flirting heavily with a sensibly
chosen cutie in full view of others, then go somewhere semiprivate to suck face!
Be safe, of course. The street corner just outside a bar with just few enough
loiterers to seem romantic, that nook between the bathroom and the phone booth
downstairs. Look for such spots that will allow you to be discreet without being
vulnerable. If you're both a little tipsy, and keep the flirtation as light
as helium, it'll be fun and exciting. And no hard feelings will result when
you part with just a warm squeeze of the hand (and no scrap of paper with a
number scrawled on it inside).
I Kiss, Therefore I Am
Why, you may ask, go in search of the random lip-lock that leads nowhere? Because
kissing, just kissing, is too damn fun to wait till you're in a relationship
to do it. Think about that thrill when you realize the attraction you're feeling
for someone is mutual... that tension when you wonder what one of you is going
to do about it... that "lean in" moment of pure anticipation, followed (you
hope) by warm, groovy tingles as you're transported to The Kissing Dimension!
Depending how lucky you are in your choice of kiss-mate, it could be minutes
before you return to planet Earth! It's delectable, it's ego-boosting, and,
if you're really lucky, it teaches you that you and everyone you know should
be living life to its fullest. How's that for cheap entertainment?
Kissing to Rock the World
not an exaggeration to say that kisses can place ordinary mortals on a plane
with the Gods, if only momentarily. What is the secret to these heavenly smooches?
An informal canvass of the lucky recipients of world-rocking kisses yields the
following information (to memorize and live by): Just enough pressure, light
caressing of the hair and face, bold but delicate probing of the tongue, hypnotic
Sorry, I could not get my informants to be any more graphic and specific to
break down into mechanical parts the kisses they described as "out-of-body experiences"
that made them "weak in the knees." I'm not kidding: one friend told me such
a kiss made her lose the power to stand up. She was quite embarrassed to find
herself collapsed on the ground, but I don't think the guy who put her there
minded too much.
More: When Kisses Go Wrong and
How to Get What You Want!