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November 3, 2008

NEW at MSN.com: Campaigning for love

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:55 am

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!

7 Comments »

  1. Hey I read the “Waiting Gamer” blog and thought it was interesting that I had been in a similiar situation about 3 years back. I was madly in love with a guy I’d met 6 years ago but he, like WG hopeful girl, had another by his side. We remained good friends for a while and when I knew he wouldn’t just leave his girl (which he had told me as well), I decided we could definetly still be friends but I would get out in the world and find my own romance and if he decided he still wanted to be with me in the end of it all I’d be around but I wasn’t going to waste time on something that wasn’t a sure thing. He left her within the next year and a half and we’ve now been happily together for almost 2 years. So although I kinda waited…I didn’t wait around alone and I didn’t wait unhappily. I explored my options and met new and exciting people that made me realize that I really did only want the guy. And when he had broken up with her and I was single, we got together after a bit of romancing.

    Also, I love this blog. Always interesting problems and usually great advice.

    Comment by Lauren — November 3, 2008 @ 12:05 pm

  2. Came across this story on MSN home page and immediately saw my situation to be EXACTLY that as WG. Like WG, I am in love with someone that I cannot wait to see, to hear her voice or to hold. I could stand on a street corner for hours and will have fun just knowing that she is next to me. In any event, she states that she is in love with me and the passion, communication and time we share with each other is unbelievable (her words). Our history is a little complicated so being openly together is not without some challenges. She has someone (her ex), she says loves her and he wants a future with her. She sees him as a good choice moving forward but she cannot let me go because of the love she has for me. She tells me she is not seeing him as yet, but I know better. She says she is trying to make a decision, but ask why can’t I still see her if she moves forward with her ex? I do not know how I could even be just a friend with her given my feelings. I am thinking I need to find the strength to cut her totally out of my life until I can deal with her having someone else. I will have to take the advice given to WG… Thank you for the opportunity to share.

    Comment by marlon — November 3, 2008 @ 12:39 pm

  3. Now that I have fully recovered from the wounds in my back, I will state my displeasure with those who wait in the wings. I was married for 14 years with two beautiful kids and my “best friend” decided that my wife would better suit him than I. He was right.
    I thought I was (and actually now know) that I was a very good provider for my family. I loved my wife unconditionally and still to this day know I tried to give her the moon. Yet, as in the statistics that I and the rest of the 50% of married couples today enjoy, it came to an end.
    My situation may differ from the “Waiting Gamer” aka playa, and Lauren due to my kids in the picture. They suffered tremendously and if I could take they’re pain away, I would.
    I suppose I only have one piece of advice for someone who covets another’s spouse; there are plenty of fish in the sea…go fish in another pond. I do believe that without the very rude interruption of a so called “pal”, my marriage would still be in tact.
    That being said, I am very happy now (2 years removed) seeing a beautiful woman and spending as much time with my kids as possible.

    Thanks for the vine.

    Comment by Tommy — November 3, 2008 @ 6:21 pm

  4. Good column. I was on the other side. I was involved with a woman for
    several years. She was steady, loving and fun. I started seeing someone else on the side. Was it that I needed more? Or was I growing old? Or was it just being with someone different and exciting?
    I strung the other woman around for months. Made her promises. Lied. You name it. One morning I woke up and despised the person I saw in the mirror. I suddenly saw that I was hurting two wonderful people.
    I told the other woman the truth and that I wasn’t going to ever be with her. She was angry and upset. She left several messsages and then I didn’t hear from her anymore. I saw her recently with someone else. She seemed happy.

    Comment by WOODY — November 3, 2008 @ 7:36 pm

  5. This advice seeker’s story sounds all to familiar. Infact, this could really be about me. Alass, what’s a girl to do? Seemingly independent, smart, witty, fun loving and together girl is my public personna. On the inside, however, given my present un-employed status, I long to be taken care of, fiancially and emotionally during this tumultuous time, and need to be with a guy who can really- seriously- provide these things. Although my heart truely smiled, and my emotions flooded the logical decision making part of my brain when I met a this guy (just like WG), I know I cannot be with anyone but my boyfriend at this time.
    Very Romeo and Julliette, with all the passion and forbidden aspects of this sorted affair of the heart and mind, but alass, this dreamy relationship cannot be. At least, not right now.

    Perhaps in a few months, when my life gets less messy. I need to feel more solid in my place in this world before I can let go of a nice guy who takes care of me, and can provide a future for me at this time when I cannot do that for myself.
    Very sad indeed. But this is how it has to be. I feel for WG, and for my “Romeo”, as I too have an abundance of emotions and over whelming feelings for him, but I just cannot be in such a risky place right now, given my curent life’s messy state and not being able to see the light at the end of this financial downward spiraling tunnel.
    Sorry WG. Perhaps we can both re-visit our crush’s at a later point in time. Good luck to you!

    Comment by In the same perdicament — November 3, 2008 @ 8:39 pm

  6. I am the girl in WGs blog……exact same situation. The guy on the side is the one I crave….but I am engaged to some1 else. I was dating him and having a blast when my x came back into my life ater a 3 month absence…he said he loved me and proposed and I accepted….leaving the new bf in the cold for a few weeks…..Icouldnt stopthinking about him….I am still seeing him. He wont share his feelings with me because as he sayd ” Im not telling u anything because u are still with him” This is really hard…I dont want to hurt my fiancee he really is my best friend….and Imnot really sure how the guy on the side truly feels because he has this pride issue.

    Comment by hOLLY — November 4, 2008 @ 10:32 am

  7. […] the ways. For folks like Al Franken and Ted Stevens — and the advice-seekers featured in Ask Lynn this month — it’s still not over. Here’s a […]

    Pingback by Breakup Girl » Still at MSN.com: Campaigning for love — November 17, 2008 @ 6:59 am

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