Getting restless on May 25, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have this annoying problem with the 4.5 year itch. I’ve been through three engagements and am looking at yet another split. Problem is, I never seem to grow up; I can’t seem to stay with anyone for more than a few years. Inevitably, I get restless and bored. And I’m certainly not getting any younger. Do you think that the “pattern” is set? I mean, is it possible that I am the way I am until the end of time? I’ve tried therapy, couples counseling, chanting and prayer…nothing seems to work. A friend of mine has suggested (in all her kindness) that I simply haven’t met “the one,” that I have a deep-rooted fear of real intimacy…so I choose people who who are more interested in me than I am in them. She may be right. So, help! What can I do with myself? Should I just accept the way I am and cheat on my current partner? Just accept this as a way of life?

— Wanderlust

(more…)

Desperately single on May 25, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I need to whine, and I think this might be the best (most constructive) place for it. I’m having a really hard time being single at age 35! I feel so isolated lately. I live alone, in a town that’s very popular with 20-somethings. Most of my friends are married, engaged, living or completely involved with their significant others. Ditto for my co-workers, who are also much older than I am, so there’s no social action there. I do belong to a gym, but that’s yet to produce any dates. I join groups, I go to networking events, I get out, but I am BURNED OUT on the search! I even tried the personals. I haven’t had a date since December, and I don’t see any prospects on the horizon. Let me add that I am very attractive, spirited, smart, and warm. I wonder — is there anybody else out there suffering from the 30-something dry spell? What is a girl to do? I’m actually thinking of trying to find a bartending or waitressing job, just so I can meet and flirt with some men again! This situation is crazy! Any insight!?

— Ann

(more…)

These days, the stories we hear about kidz and the technology are often cautionary tales: strangers! sexting! TEXT NECK! But Nancy Schwartzman — producer and director of the in-the-works film xoxosms — wants to tell a different, more salutary tale:  about  (young) people forging relationships that may start as virtual, but are very, very real.

“xoxosms is about first love, long distance and Skype. It looks closely at one young couple who — like many — met online and fell in love before ever meeting each other,” says Schwartzman. “There’s a tension between their ‘digital intimacy’ and real life, and the film explores the way the digital world, full of intimacy, bonding, sweetness, is a way to mitigate the hard stuff of growing up and having sex. A way to be close without things getting too confusing.”

The documentary tells the true love story of Gus and Jiyun — a home schooled 19-year-old from a religious family in small-town Illinois and a 19-year-old Korea-born New York City art student — who met nearly a year ago in possibly the only place two people so different might ever find each other: The Internet. Over the past 18 months, they have built an intensely intimate world via Skype, AIM and iChat. They are each other’s very first loves, and through the Internet, they have established a connection that feels as real as if they were right there beside each other.

Help xoxosms have a happy ending! You can kick in a few bucks here to help Schwartzman & co. complete their project. (They’re already over halfway there, with 19 days to go!) You can share your story at their Tumblr, “Without the Internet We Never Would Have Met.” And you can watch the trailer, oh, right now!

You’ve seen — and sniggered at — the 1930s marital test. (How far we’ve come! OH WAIT.)

Now, courtesy of Magatsu.net, you can take it, all interactive-like, yourself. (Though I’m pretty sure it’s a built-in fail. I mean, taking a test by yourself? On the computer? Way too independent. Next thing you know they’ll want an online DIVORCE.)

1 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!

Coke recipe? Check. Thanks, This American Life! But io9 has whipped up — and sampled — the elixirs you really need. (One even has caffeine!)

And now to go use them on Ira Glass.

H/T DJDistracted.

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn helps a gal who’s Stuck after six months of dating. She likes this guy, but wonders if the amount of feelings she has are enough…

He is an amazing man, one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. He’s got so many of the qualities I’ve been hoping for, but I’m still having issues with “that feeling.”

Is Stuck in love with the kind of guy he is, or the guy himself? How much of a relationship is getting everything we want and how much is settling? Lynn tackles the 80/20 rule and more in this weeks letter at Happen Magazine.

Starting doubts young on May 25, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hi. I am 14 years old and even though I shouldn’t worry about guys, I do. Right now I have a boyfriend. This is the second time I have gone “out” with him. He told me that he never thought he was good enough for me, and to his and my dismay, I am starting to believe it. My friends say he isn’t good enough for me, too, and that I could do much better. Complete and utter strangers that I have never seen before in my entire life tell me I could do much better. I want to follow my heart and do what my heart tells me. But I am not sure exactly what my heart is saying. Even though I am only 14 and probably insignificant to you adults, please help!

— Young, Naive, and Confused

Dear YNC,

Okay, first of all, you are hardly insignificant. In fact, teens and adults pretty much have the same problems; it’s just that teens have them in smaller units of time (e.g. “I am hopelessly in love with my girlfriend of three days;” “It’s 3:15:29 and he hasn’t called since 2:47:31 — should I dump him?”). A grownup would have written a letter with your exact question after, like, eleven years.

Anyway, your question. Um, were you a guest on a daytime talk show? That’s the only way Breakup Girl can fathom total strangers telling you your boyfriend’s not good enough (“Girl, toss that chicken dinner and get yourself a winner!”). To be sure, this whole “good enough” thing is risky, highly subjective territory, but if, like, the whole town is turning out to give you their opinion, maybe there’s something to it. Never mind the strangers, ask your friends: “What do you guys mean, not good enough? I need specifics.” Then listen. To them and to your heart.

Love,
Breakup Girl

The last arcade in Chinatown.

You’re welcome.

H/T DJDistracted.

We held off on this one, since we figured not that many first dates were happening on Valentine’s Day. But now here we go. OKCupid, always ready with the best questions for blog posts, asks, what are the best questions for first dates? Actually, they put it a much better way: “What questions are easy to bring up, yet correlate to the deeper, unspeakable, issues people actually care about?” Yes! Easy and deep-y. And did we mention easy? See, because what you don’t want — as with first “lines” — is something gimmicky, interviewy, or otherwise annoyingy. (“So, tell me, Sam. [Leans closer, significantly.] Would you rather be a cloud, or a grape?”) What you want, OKCupid determines, with the use of several handy bar graphs, is “the shallow stuff to ask when you want to know something deep.”

OK SO LIKE WHAT? Well, then we get into some frankly fascinating correlations (derived from their vast database and some fancy math). If you want to know if you two have long-term potential, ask if he/she likes horror movies, or would like to chuck it all and live on a sailboat. Couples who agreed on such Qs were correlated with couples who lasted. If you want to know if your date is religious, ask if she/he is annoyed by spelling and grammar mistakes; “If your date answers ‘no’—i.e. is okay with bad grammar and spelling—the odds of him or her being at least moderately religious is slightly better than 2:1.” Hooray for teh tolerance! Want to know if you have the same politics? Ask if your date prefers the people in his/her life to be simple or complex. The latter preference is correlated with liberal politics. JUST SAYING. (Also: clouds and grapes CAN get along!)

Read the whole piece for great fun and info, plus Kevin Costner in fingerless gloves. (The apocalypse kind, not the golf kind.)

AND: Since you’re going to need to get to that first date in the first place, here is BG’s definitive guide to opening lines.

“Was going to kiss my wife goodbye this morning, but then I thought, ‘Screw that, Valentines Day was YESTERDAY.'”

— Your friend and ours, Christian Finnegan

Hah! See, it’s funny ’cause it’s NOT TRUE!

Anyway, BG is recovering from the big day, and gearing up for the EVEN BIGGER DAY, so I’ll leave you with that, and these:

1. Fascinating, and VERY IMPORTANT, in today’s Times: Report Details Sabotage of Birth Control.

2. Fascinating, and NOT AT ALL IMPORTANT: American Idol Hopefuls Julie Zorrilla and Casey Abrams: High School Prom Dates!

There you go. Hope yesterday was great — and today is even better!