Way to man’s heart = through his left ear.

Quoth FOBG Sarah H.: “Huh, and I always thought it was through his left nostril.”

Today’s New York Times includes a bit of a bodice-ripper about the CW’s new reality show, Farmer Wants a Wife (April 30, 9 PM EST), a sort of “The Bachelor” meets “Green Acres” featuring real-life Missouri farmer/bachelor Matt Neustadt, 30.

“When meeting women, it’s very hard to sell the fact that I am [a farmer],” Neustadt told the Times, explaining that they’re immediately suspicious of what apparently comes across as just some kind of aw-shucks line. “A lot of times they seem to think that I am a player.”

Some of this confusion may also arise from Neustadt’s physique, which the Times describes in blush-worthy detail, from his “surfer” tan to his “rippling washboard abs” to his entering the show “shirtless, his pectoral muscles rippling in the sunlight.” (Sheesh! Get a hayloft!)

But Neustadt hopes that his good looks won’t stand in the way of a true connection. And the ten women vying to be Mrs. Farmer (who “include several aspiring actors or entertainers, members of professions that might be hard to nurture in Portage Des Sioux”) say that all they’re looking for is love, too. In fact, most claim they’re more interested in finding a soul mate than being on TV. And clearly they’re willing to look outside their comfort zone. After all, according to the show’s producer, city women are simply tired of the urban singles scene.

But hey, Neustadt’s peers might say, at least urban singles have a scene.

So, reality TV junkies: you gonna watch this one? Think the down-home (versus, say, Orange County) factor will make it different from the rest?

Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week, we meet Mandy, who — just like we always tell you guys — totally met a guy in her dance class! Everything went great until … it didn’t. Caramba! Now what? Can Mandy — who now feels dancing-foolish — still show her face in salsa? Or is she doomed to a life of long romantic nights at home with Bruno Tonioli? Read her letter and Lynn’s answer to find out, and then come back here to chat!

When this couple gets competitive, can BG save love from elimination?

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Math moment, brought to you in easy-to-understand cartoon format: Don’t date anyone under (your age/2 + 7).

(Quoth our tipster: “Last night at the bar some friends and I tried to figure out the upper limit of that formula. We decided it was somewhere between 60-70. A 60-year-old dating a 37-year-old wasn’t too creepy…but maybe a 70-year-old dating a 42-year-old is. It is all arbitrary and relative, I suppose — exposing our own ‘ageist’ perceptions?”)

Via BG’s alter ego at Broadsheet:

What to do with that old engagement ring? You know, after you whip it at your lying, cheating ex-fiancé?

Keepsake? Yeah, right. EBay? So impersonal. Pirates? That’ll only do more damage.

Now, as today’s New York Times reports, there may be a more appealing option: an auction site called ExBoyfriendJewelry.com (tag line: “You don’t want it. He can’t have it back”).

At first glance, I cringed. After all, I consider most public expressions of us vs. him (or her) anti-ex bitterness to be inelegant, tacky, TMI. That said, I will also give a pass to just about anything with real humor and heart. And this site, I must admit (which is not hetero-only), has inspired some gems of poignant free verse.

The description for some Celtic knot earrings: “At some point, he began to take fabulous trips to Ireland. Without me.” For an engagement ring and wedding band: “Hey, Mom and Dad. Remember that time I got married really young?” (Her offer: “I can’t pay you back for the wedding, but I’ll split whatever I get for these with you.”) For an emerald ring, this novella: “It was 1989 on Long Island. Poison and Paula Abdul were battling for the top billboard spots. He was 19, drove a white honda crx and rocked skidz; I smoked marlboro lights and lied about my age of 14. We fell in love over whoppers and the run dmc that pumped out of his ridiculously large speakers. When he bought me this emerald and diamond ring from Sears, it was probably the single best thing that had ever happened to me. I wore it all up and down that high school with pride. But soon enough, it was time to trade my gold for silver as the 80s gave way to the 90s. I got into Nirvana and Ani DiFranco and it was clear that an ocean of Drakkar Noir lay between us.”

And, for some clip-on earrings: “Clip ons. Clip ons!”

There’s also an area of the site for “Gifts That Should Have Been Jewelry.”

I see just one pitfall, really: the perhaps inevitable description reading “I dumped him because he bought my engagement ring used from this site!”

Okay, this (as opposed to this) is the kind of representation online dating deserves.

Single superhero, smart/cute/funny, enjoys world travel and spicy food, seeks that one special reporter who will not get sucked into writing yet ANOTHER unbalanced story about how internet dating is dangerous and SCAAAAAAAAAAARY.

The latest dispatch, from CNN, reports that more and more people (mostly women, I guess) are becoming victims of “romance fraud:” scams by would-be suitors “designed to prey on [their] emotions to get [their] money.” (Wait. Doesn’t that describe the wedding industry? Har.) There’s even a website called RomanceScams.org, with tips for avoiding romance fraud and help for those who fell prey. Founder Barb Sluppick told CNN that the site, now three years old, has over 30,000 members: 833 have reported financial losses totaling $8,244,800.05.

Okay, that’s a lot of money for new “work boots” and (yes) wedding expenses. I’m not saying this info’s not newsworthy or troubling in and of itself, or that people shouldn’t be aware of red flags. (Like, er, being asked for lots of money by someone who “owns a diamond mine.”) But a little context would be nice. Like the fact that Match.com alone has a membership of 15 million, which is a lot more than 833. Or the notion that the Interwebs are not the only domain of scammers, or even of jerks and meanies. Just because you meet someone at a party does not mean he or she is telling the truth about needing help, just this once, with a car payment. Or how about the flipside: that while, yes, heartbreak — sometimes the illegal kind — happens online (and elsewhere), so does the opposite. You know, love and happily ever after. I don’t know why some are still so hellbent on portraying dating sites as some sort of giant maximum security prison network. To the eleven of you who still haven’t tried online dating: be aware, but don’t be scared.

Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week — continuing on the theme of hope — we meet A Hopeful Dreamer, who has been waiting, like, forever, to ask this girl out. The problem? She’s always been with someone else. Now — yeehaw! — she’s just broken up with her boyfriend of two-plus years. So AHD wants to know: when is it cool to ask her out? Now? Now? Okay, how about now?

But really, you see the problem: ask her too soon, and he’s doing the old HEARD YOU GUYS BROKE UP SO SORRY opportunistic swoop (or is he?) — or just setting himself up as Mr. Rebound. But ask her too late and he’s … too late. Read the letter and response to find out when Lynn gives the green light — and then come back here to comment!

Will a chiseled jaw prove to be Breakup Girl’s kryptonite?

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