Who knew collegehumor.com was doing such quality videos? While it doesn’t have the originality of Doctor Horrible, this retelling of the Tony-Maria love story still impresses with its production values and its spot-on parody lyrics. A sample: (to the tune of “Maria” naturally) “Pandora/ Type it in and there’s music playing/ Watch the ads and and it’s almost like paying.”
I dated this guy over the summer and fell in love with him. He was real nice, sweet, and caring and I didn’t think I would lose him, but I did. Ever since then I’ve felt empty and just use guys as some kind of toy to play with. I know I’ve hurt a couple of people and I feel bad about it, but I can’t help it. I still love that guy but I don’t know if he still likes me, should I keep chasing him or should I stop. And how do I quit treating guys like a toy to play with?
— Samantha
Dear Samantha,
If there were such a thing as Breakup Girl Laboratories, they would be hard at work on the Boyfriend Patch. Available in fashion colors and Hello, Kitty designs, the Patch would, in the absence of an actual or particular pined-after boyfriend, provide the fix-of-the-quickie that we so often crave.
In the meantime, though, I will tell you that toy-boys are much like Carmex lip balm and the alleged conspiracy behind it. The idea being that your lips are chapped, you apply Carmex, they feel better momentarily… but… “Mulder, are you suggesting that Carmex itself actually makes your lips feel chapped again.?
You see where Breakup Girl is going with this. You feel empty, you mess around, you feel better momentarily … but … the fling itself actually makes you feel emptier. It serves not as a statsfying replacement for your summer Mulder, but as an acute reminder that you don’t have him.
…Certainly she embodied, in her rather brief career, many fairly significant shifts in how women were viewed, on television and in the culture, something I can’t imagine any of us expected as we gazed through the dim choking haze of adolescence at that mane of golden hair and perfect smile and wondered why the gods were so arbitrary with their gifts.
If nothing else, Farrah Fawcett proved something that should make life a little easier for the rest of us: You don’t have to have a huge body of work to make a pretty big imprint. Though a great smile certainly helps.
Filed under: TV — posted by Breakup Girl @ 12:47 pm
From I09: “…If this means that we’re in for fast-paced, witty banter between two leads obviously meant for each other…then I am entirely on board for [SyFy’s Warehouse 13.]”
(For us New Yorkers, though, anything with a warehouse that big? Storage porn.)
OK, so maybe it’s not exactly revenge to read that muscular men have more sexual partners and tend to lose their virginity at an earlier age than untoned dudes. But payback time’s a comin’: turns out skinny guys actually live longer. Ain’t no party like a retirement-home party!
According to a recent evolutionary psychology study from the University of Pittsburgh, “The beefier the man… the more sexual partners he had. [But] compared to skinnies…muscular men also tended to producer fewer infection-fighting white blood cells and less of an important immune molecule.” Point, emo dudes.
I often take a friend breakup harder than I do a lover breakup. Because we’re not supposed to break up with our friends. Boy- and girlfriends are practically designed to come and go, while friendship is so meaningful and precious that it makes us utter little sweet nothings like “A friend is forever” or “Friends till the end.” Nobody’s ever said “Boyfriend till the end.” Just doesn’t sound right.
So I take a little let-myself-off-the-hook comfort in this recent study showing that most friendships come with an expiration date, too. In fact, sociologists found that the seven-year-itch phenomenon applies just as much to our platonic relationships as it does our sexual ones.
During that stretch of time, as one summary put it, “personal network sizes remained stable, but many members of the network were new. Only 30 percent of  the original ‘helper’ friends and discussion partners had the same position in a subject’s network seven years later, and only 48 percent were still part of the social network.”
Perhaps we were readier to acknowledge that friendships evolve (or don’t!) as we do — and that some have a natural shelf-life — we’d be better able to take their ends in stride?
e-mail to a friend in need
Nice eulogy 
